I had such a BIG scare today!!! I was outside today doing lawn work. My friends/neighbors who share the land with me on a trailer on my property were outside too with their kids. I was busy in my work and stopped for a minute for a drink. My 10 year old daughter asked where her brother was. My littlest was missing. He is 3 years old. My oldest son who is 15 frantically looked all over the woods and the house for him. We could not find him. Panic set in. I started to cry and lose my breath. We searched for him through the whole property. All I could of think about was what if someone stole him, or he was hurt or lost in the woods. We don't really have neighbors except for hunting cabins. There are endless miles of woods behind us and beside us. My daughter was screaming and panicking which made me much more panicky. My brother in law jumped in his car and looked along our dirt road. Everyone went up in the woods. I was about to call the police when my neighbor went in my house and found Daniel in his bed with the blankets over his head. I just burst out in tears and was shaking even after I knew he was found. Losing one of my children is my worst fear!!! I think God for looking after him. I will definitely keep a better eye on him and so will his sister and brother. He scared the living daylights out of me!!! He is safe now and I am thankful. There are so many nuts out there!!! I see so many missing children ads. I just don't want to ever have to go through that and God Bless anyone who is going through it!! I hope everyone enjoys the weather. I know I will. I am so glad winter is over!!!
Friday, April 18, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
can't wait until May
Anyways, I had a good day today. I planted my flowers today. I only could plant the petunias. I cant wait until May when I can plant my grass seed and my wild flowers. I plant wild flowers on the hill. I have some bare spots that I have to cover up and some more planting to do. We moved the patio from the back door to the front door so it looks alot better. I want to plant roses but I am afraid to. I didnt do well the last time I planted them. I may try again. I made some hanging baskets from scratch from some left over hanging baskets that were laying around. And I planted some flowers in some platers that my sister had laying around. I want to plant tomatoes and sun flowers. I cant do anything up here until May because of the frost. I hope everyone in J-land is doing good. Enjoy the nice weather everyone.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Yard work
Things are still the same around here money wise but I got myself out of the house and did alot of yard work. I cleaned up the yard and I am going to build a stone wall at the end of my yard. Instead of my yard going down a hill it will end with a stone wall border. It is taking alot of digging but it keeps my mind off of things. I did alot of raking up of twigs and things. Then I took a long walk with the dogs. I actually looked at all the scenery by my house. We live on the side of a mountain in the middle of the woods. It is pretty up here. There just isnt any jobs around here. But I just cant pick up and move for some reason. I have lived here for many years and I just am so tired of moving around. We will make it somehow I know. I guess i better go for now. I am hoping to have pictures to put on here soon of my family and stuff. I hope everyone is doing well...
Monday, April 14, 2008
Thank you
Hello all.....I am sorry it took so long to post in my journal. I took a few days off to think and try to improve my attitude. I am doing ok. I am going to go see a psychologist for some depression issues. I guess watching my sister die has put more of a toll on my mental health then I thought. There hasnt ben a day gone by that I have not thought about her since her death in october. I really miss her. She was my best friend!! We did everything together. Her death was such a shock. I guess I did know that she wasnt doing well but did not want to accept it. I just didnt think that she would die. It still hurts. I cried the other day. I am so afraid that people around me are going to die. I am over protective of my children and my family members. I am driving them crazy!! I dont mean to.
Thank you all for all the comments. It is comforting to see that there are that many caring people out there. I live a solitary life. I dont have many friends. In fact I dont have any friends. I live in the country so it is hard to even make friends here. It is hard to fit in. I have very bad social anxiety so that doesnt help either.
I will try to post everyday. (I know I have said that before) I think it is good for me to get my feelings out. I warn everyone sometimes my attitude isnt the greatest from day to day. I just write how I feel. Thank you all for being there for me.
Monday, March 31, 2008
i think I may stop posting
Hello all...I dont think I will be posting anymore. Thank you everyone for your support. I am very happy to have met you all.
awful news
Hello all..I wish I had better news ro tell everyone but I have hit rock bottom. I am sorry that I have not been online lately. I have been packing my house. My husband and I are going our seperate ways.. My husband lost his job and no longer can collect unemplayment due to an error from the company he worked from. He is moving to his mother's with my youngest son.. The stipulation from his mother was however that I did not speak to either one of them pretty much ever again. I am not allowed to call and I am not allowed to write. My son loves his daddy and I could not seperate them. I guess sometimes you have to do what is best for the child then what is best for yourself. My two older children and I are going to a shelter downstate about 5 hours from here. I will be about 3 hours away from my husband. I am however filing for a divorce being that it will be easier for me to find help being a single mom. I am praying that the children and youth dont take my children because of living in a shelter with them. My parents refuse to let me stay with them for the 18 months until I can get into the low income housing. I guess maybe I will see. I have lost faith in God. I trusted him and he has seperated my family and has broken my heart. I can only take with me what I can fit in the trunk of my car and that really isnt much at all. Juts clothes pretty much. The people we had staying here turned out to be more of a burden than what i though. They ate our food , used our electric and baths, used our laundry machine. They had a roof over thier heads and only gave me 450 a month to live here. That included phone, electric, and everytihng esle they needed. They took advavtage of me and I wll never trust another human being again. I barely even want to live but i trudge on. I cried in the bathtub for hours this morning. Thank you all for being there for me. I am leaving over the weekend so I might not be on very much. The computer belongs to my husband and I will have to go to thge library when I get settled to keep in touch. I will keep everyone in my prayers. Love ya
Christine
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Happy Easter
I hope everyone had a very nice Easter. I am doing a bit better but I still feel tired and shakey. The kids got up and had thier Easter hunt but they had to hunt the eggs inside because of the snow. But they had fun anyways.
Saint Theresa' s Prayer
May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.