things looking up a little

Hello all. I hope everyone is well and safe. This is the second time that I have tried to do my journal. It keep mesing up and erasing. UGH!!! Well anyways, Things do look a bit better today. Saturday was a rough day because I have to take two of my dogs to the ASPCA because I just couldnt keep up with thier care and feeding with all that is gong on. I still have my two babies for now. I was so hurt but i know it was for the best for them and us. Chris,my brother in law, found a very good job. He says that he is going to stay and help catch up with what Melissa,my sister, has run up in bills for us. We scraped up the money for the electric bill so that crisis is now over for now. I am sending a payment out on friday for our mortgage . I am hoping that she will have patience with us until we get organized to pay her what we owe her. She has to understand that I was in the dark about this and because I had put some of my own money into it and it was not getting paid that I am a victum in all this as well. I am praying that she will just give us the time we need. I may have to eventually leave here but I am trying hard to grant us some time to get ourselves situated. I dont want to see our family seperate. I am hoping when the dust clears that I will be able to go to college and do what I always have wanted to do. I have alwasy wanted to be a nurse and help people. Maybe I am too old at 37 to even concider a career like that but I am really thinking about trying. I want to become self sufficent totally someday so that if I am ever alone I can take care of me and my family. I have to close for now. My daughter is sick from school today and i have to make an appointmnet for her to go to the doctor. Thank you all for your words of encouragement and your prayers. I wil continue to pray fro everyone as well. It seems like this has been a hard time fro everyone. I pray that we all find peace this new year. Love you all.

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A letter to God

Dear  GOD:
I want to thank You for what you have already done. I am not going to wait until I see results or receive rewards; I am thanking you right now. I am not going to wait until I feel better or things look better; I am thanking you right now. I am not going to wait until people say they are sorry or until they stop talking about me; I am thanking you right now. I am not going to wait until the pain in my body disappears ; I am thanking you right now. I am not going to wait until my financial situation improves; I am going to thank you right now. I am not going to wait until the children are asleep and the house is quiet; I am going to thank you right now. I am not going to wait until I get promoted at work or until I get the job; I am going to thank you right now. I am not going to wait until I understand every experience in my life that has caused me pain or grief; I am thanking you right now. I am not going to wait until the journey gets easier or the challenges are removed; I am thanking you right now. I am thanking you because I am alive. I am thanking you because I made it through the day's difficulties. I am thanking you because I have walked around the obstacles.
I am thanking you because I have the ability and the opportunity to do more
and do better.  

I'm thanking you because FATHER, YOU haven't given up on me.

God is just so good, and he's good all the time.

trying to keep going

I thought I would share this wtih everyone since it hit home for me. Thank you everyone for your kind words of encouragement

Are you in need of renewal?

For the Lord has driven out great and powerful nations for you, and no one has yet been able to defeat him. Each one of you will put to flight a thousand of the enemy, for the Lord your God fights for you, just as he promised. So be careful to love the Lord your God.

Joshua 23:9-11 NLT

About this week's promise

When strength fails and we grow weary, we need someone to come alongside us, show understanding, cheer us up, and inspire us to have the strength and commitment to move on. When bills pile up and money runs short, we need an encourager. When we become single parents and the world seems against us, we need an encourager. When friends and family turn against us, we need an encourager. Our strength and resolve weaken. Oh, for someone to come beside us and lift us up and comfort us. Encouragers help us stir renewed commitment, renewed resolve. They inspire us with courage and hope. Encouragers bring a beautiful gift, often a spiritual gift, when they bring renewal through encouragement.

Better attitude

Hello all ...Thank you for all of your worde of encouragement and hope. My car broke down today. I had to walk a long ways in 8 degree weather until some nice man stopped and picked me up. I know that it is dangerous to get into a strange man's car but my lungs felt like they had daggers in them. It was just too cold to go on. He took me home. He was southern. He said he wasnt from the area. I thought it was nice of him to go out of his way to drive me home. He said he didnt like seeing me walk in such bad conditions. It was very nice of him and it restored my faith in people some what. I was very proud of myself because through it all I kept my cool and thought things through. I tried to start my old car and it wouldnt start. I thought there was gas in it but it ended up being empty.The gas gage doesnt work right. I had a neighbor drive my brother in law to get some gas and when he got back, The car started. I had to use my mortgage money to put insurance back on the car but i had no choice. I had my other one towed to a station to get fixed. He said that he would fix and it and let it sit there until I can pay for it. That was nice of him to do. I am going to try to keep a somewhat good attitude but it is really hard. I am going to try to make it. I dont see how i can but I am sure going to try. I am going to try to have faith in God. I hope everyone is doing well. Thanks again for your prayers and support.

Things still arent going well

I know I haven't been keeping up with my journal. Things have not been going so well. As soon as I get home, I get more bad news thrown my way. The underwriters of the insurance company wont allow the insurance company to insure us anymore. We have to have insurance to keep the mortgage on our property. When it rains it pours I always say.

Ruth Zellar (our mortgage holder) has been very uncooperative with us. She expects the whole amount late and not only that she says that we owe more than what we really owe. There isn't much I can do because the ball is in her court. We owner financed from her and if she decides to go to court then we will lose the house. She wants me to pay 100 hundred dollars a week for mortgage. That won't leave us money to pay other bills and survive. I didn't know that we were even late. I explained that to her and she kept on being rude to me. She was telling me how Melissa wasn't paying the mortgage on time since we bought the place. I had no clue about any of that. Then she said that my promises didn't mean anything to her at all. I have never promised anything to her that I didn't keep. I understand how mad she must be. I would be too if someone didn't pay me for 7 months on the property they agreed to pay on. But I think she should try to understand my position. I cant give her what I don't have. I don't have any problem paying her the monthly agreed amount. I also told her that she could have my tax return when it comes in. We also  have stocks that we can pay off the property with in April. She just treated me so bad on the phone .I explained to her that I have three children and I dont want to see them homeless or separated from me.She didnt care. My mortgage is only 263 dollars a month that puts me about 5,000 dollars behind with interest.   The way it sounds, I am going to have to leave here soon despite my struggling.

I am going to have to separate from my family. My children are going to have to go live somewhere else. I cried all night last night. I even considered death as an option. I really don't think I can survive without my children. I think this is the worse thing I have ever had to face in my life. I really believe God has abandoned our family. It is hard to trust anyone anymore after what my sister did to me. I am having a hard time with having any kind of faith. I have let my children down. I am sorry to have to write such bad things. I really wish that I had happy things to write. And maybe someday I will have something happy to post. But I don't think that time will be anytime soon. Thank you all for listening to my grim news. I hope all are doing well. I am always praying for all of you.