Saturday, November 10, 2007

another thing to share

Here is something that was sent to me that I would like to share. I will try to write in my journal later.


Power source

"I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need. <DIV right??>Philippians 4:13 NLT

Man is never so tall as when he kneels before God—never so great as when he humbles himself before God. And the man who kneels to God can stand up to anything.

<DIV right??>Louis H. Evans<FONT size=3 -1??>1
<DIV right??>Isaiah 9:6-7 NLT


Hang in there

"Like most folks, the apostle Paul had his share of financial ups and downs. He speaks openly of his experience in the last few paragraphs of his letter to the church at Philippi. His comments are wise and helpful for anyone facing hard times, fiscal or otherwise.

He acknowledges having "plenty" on certain occasions and "almost nothing" in the way of financial resources at other times (Philippians 4:12). But notice that even in his bleakest moments, when his stomach was literally empty and growling, Paul's spirit was full (v. 11). Paul experienced genuine contentment in difficult times. How did he do this?

Paul relied on the strength of Christ to get him through. The verb translated "gives me…strength" means to infuse needed power into our souls. God's strength is a persevering kind of divine energy that can sustain you through economic difficulties or troubles of any kind.

Friday, November 9, 2007

something to share

Someone sent this to me. I thought that I would share this with everyone. God bless our soldiers and service men. May God bring them home safe and sound.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Supreme Sacrifice

Jesus said, "Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."1

On November 11, 1918, "World War I ended when Germany, bereft of manpower, supplies and food, signed an armistice agreement. The war's tolls were at least 10 million dead, 6 million of them civilians, and 21 million wounded."

How tragic and insane war is. The carnage, the killing, the maiming for life, the emotional trauma and scars, the grief of loved ones all because one man or a few men have an insatiable thirst for power with the grandiose dream of conquering and ruling the world or a significant part of it.

But thank God that when such men rise to power, that our young men and women rise up to defend the rest of us and are willing to sacrifice their life in order to save ours.

Today we remember all service men and women with much thanksgiving and grateful hearts. Where would so many of us be today had it not been for these dedicated young men and women?

As another has said so well:

    "It is the soldier, not the reporter,
    Who has given us freedom of the press.
    It is the soldier, not the poet,
    Who has given us freedom of speech.
    It is the soldier, not the campus organizer,
    Who has given us the freedom to demonstrate.
    It is the soldier,
    Who salutes the flag,
    Who serves beneath the flag,
    And whose coffin is draped by the flag,
    Who allows the protestor to burn the flag."

confused on what to do

I am so sconfused as to what to do. I went to see a rental trailor today. She wants 412 a month for rent which is way cheap. The trailor is small but it has heat. She seems like a wonderful landlord and said that we can bring our cat with us. We were afraid to have to take the cat away from my daughter. I dont know what to do. The trailor is far from town but so is the one we are living in. Its not a bad looking trailor. I guess I am going to have to take a deep breath and make up my mind what to do. Thank you all for your prayers. Lucille, you grandkids are just so adorable. You should be very proud.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

still trudging on

Just a little post to let everyone know that although things don't look so good in my favor that I am still trudging on. I am looking at a trailor for rent tomorrow. Maybe this will work out. Only God knows. Thank you for all your payers. Janie, I will continue to keep your daughter in my prayers.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

alot to think about

I thought I would share this with everyone. Lucille ,I am glad that you had a good doctor's appointment. Everyone is in my prayers.


I'm sorry please forgive me"

"I'm sorry. Please forgive me!
I don't mean to hold you up,"

"he said as he struggled to get off the escalator.

I'll admit to it. There have been times when walking or driving behind an older person I've gotten impatient and upset. I've huffed and zoomed around them because I was
in a hurry to get nowhere. Perhaps I'm more aware of it
now because I see myself there one day soon. Today I saw myself in this old man's shoes and it caused me to
slow down, stop and ask for his forgiveness.

He was about five or six people ahead of me. I was in a hurry and saw him as an obstacle. I've seen people get off
the end of an escalator and stop dead in their tracks, gather their things and suddenly there's a pile up of angry people behind them. You can't stop an escalator full of people behind you. Like the Energizer bunny, they keep on goin'.

This man was well aware of the challenge.
He tried desperately to step aside. Fumbling with his
small packages, struggling to gain his footing, you
could see how troubling this was for him.
"I'm sorry. Please forgive me! I don't mean to hold
you up," he said as he struggled to get off the escalator.

I suddenly saw this in a whole new light. It was like I
was watching my future. I felt sorry for him. I felt sick to
my stomach because this man was apologizing to everyone,
when we should have been helping him and calming
his fears.

One by one, people zipped around him. I heard a few angry comments whispered as one lady passed by him.

I saw me.

By the time I got to him he was just about steady on his feet.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know there was more," he said.

"No, sir. No more with me," I said. This really hit me hard.
I realized right then how sad it was that the world was in such a hurry. That, of course, included me. more with me. Count me out.

This wonderful man paid his dues. For whatever time he had spent on this earth, he most likely walked many rough roads and too many important miles. Now he should be apologizing for moving slower?

My heart ached as I looked into his eyes. I wished that
I could see what he had seen all those years. His face
weathered from life itself, was creased

And wrinkled. The small soft pockets under his eyes and the gentle lines that curved up and around them told me he had many happy moments, too. Those were traces left behind
from laughter and a smiling, happy man.

"My friend, can I help you with those things?" I asked.

Hesitant at first, he finally said, "Well, yes, thank you!"

I placed my hand under his left arm and walked with
him a safe distance away from the rush of people.

"So what are you shopping for, sir?"

"Oh, just a little something for my neighbor. She's a young mother raising kids on her own. She's always so nice to me.
I thought a box of candy for  Mother's Day..." he said, stopping suddenly as he searched his inside pocket of
his sport coat.

"Do you need something?" I asked.

"Oh, no. Here. I think I have it right here. I always carry them with me," he said. Then pulling out a hand full of papers he shuffled through them and  handed me a business card that read:

"John A. Pomicter Friend to all...enemy to no one! I said
a prayer today and you were the answer. Thank you!"

"That's for you," he said. "Thanks for stopping to
help an old man."

"My friend, you helped me. I discovered that I was
unhappy with the world and I was part of the problem.
Now I'll be part of the solution. No more with me!"

"Then this was meant to be," he said smiling.

"You know God sends me gifts every day and always at
least one special person. You were my gift for today!
Let's go get some chocolates, my Friend."

-- Author Unknown

another loss

I just found out that a friend of mine , Mike,from awhile ago passed away. He passed around the same time my sister did. From what my friend told me is that he had some problems that he just couldn't handle.

When I knew him , he was  a devout Christian. He went to church every week. He used to drag me there all the time. His church was so bright and loud. I kind of liked the excitement there. My second oldest son was only 3 years old and he was very quiet there because it was so colorful. Mike was always such an energetic guy. He looked as if he had it all together. He was a computer programmer. He made really good money. He was such a sweet guy. I always could go to him with any problem I had. He seemed so level headed. He met this woman in the church and they got married. Her and I didn't get along so well. She seemed very fake. They moved to Philly and that was  the last time time that I had spoken to him.

He apparently recently had gotten himself involved in drugs. He went to rehab for a year and was clean of drugs  for quite some time. Apparently he had a depression problem. I am not sure if he and his wife got divorces or not. I would imagine because he died alone in the house and no one found him for about three days. He had gotten pneumonia and did not bother to go the the hospital. He became septic and died of respiratory problems. I wish that I could have been there for him through his bad times. But we had grown apart. I will miss him though. He was only in his early 30's. I feel like all my friends are dieing. I am starting to be afraid of my own mortality. It scares me alot.

Well thought I would share that with everyone. I have to go and get on the phone for some help. I will let everyone know what it going on. Everyone is in my prayers. Stay warm.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

found some options to think about

Looked into some options on what to do. I picked up an application for HUD. That looked promising. Someone is going to call us about even getting a government loan for a house. The owner of the house we live in that we are owner financing is going to give us more time to get things together. Even though I dont feel like it is an option for us to stay here without atiquite heating, i am glad it gives me some more time to figure things out. I didnt do much calling today because I needed to get a lot of cleaning and laundry done. I am not out of the woods yet but I am better off than I was over the weekend. I am trying to keep a good attitude about it all. I will get through it. Thank you for all your comments. You all are great friends. I do take all of your advice very seriously. You all seem to know what you are talking about. I have taken all of your advice to try to stay around here. I think you are right about staying where my husband has the job. Thank you for all your prayers. Trust me, I need all the prayers I can get. You guys are great. I will keep everyone posted.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

going to church again tonight

I just wanted to comment on my last entry. I wasnt implying that anyone was going to judge me. I just had an experience downstate that made me think like that. The friend that I was staying with, I had basically given her the trailor she is in now and a car. My husband abandoned the trailor after i left and i had nothing else to do with it. Now she is living good with all kinds of stuff like the new Wii game and a satelite radio. She spends more money then anyone I have ever seen. I just thought that the least they could do for me is let me stay there when I needed a place to stay. They said I could but only gave me 2 months to find a new place. That doesnt give me enough to time to find a job and build up money to move. I shouldnt feel that way. I dont expect anything in return for an act of kindness.

early to church

I woke up this morning and left for church and hour early. I was there too early because I totally forgot to set my clock back. lol It worked out ok because I did my shopping before church instead of after church.

Things are very stressful here. I walked in on my husband crying. He said he is afraid that he will fail his family. We dont have much. We dont have cell phones are fancey satelite radios on our car. We have a high mileage car that we were lucky to get. We live in a falling apart trailor with no heat and soft spots n the floor. We want better for our children but this is what we have. But my husband works hard. He works at least forty hours a week sometimes more. His paycheck is little but he works hard making it. It would be very hard for me to get a job right now due to the distance away from town we are and the fact that I dont have a sitter for my son. I am just frustrated because I feel like everything I try to do for my family ends up failing. I had to move up here with my sister because I didnt have a place to live down there. My sister took me and my kids in her apartment when we found out that my husband at the time was abusing my daughter. When she moved up here, I had to come with her because there was no where else to go. She was nice enough to put my name on the property so that if something happened to her i would still have a place to stay. Before I moved in with her, She lived with me for a long time. Her ex husband took off and left her and she could not keep up with the rent at her place. I am sorry. Now I am rambling about things. I am so stressed out and scared. I dont know why my sister didnt pay mortgage on this property but she must have had a plan. I am not angry with her anymore. Anger isnt going to help my family. My worst fear of all is losing the kids. They are all I have. If I dont have a place to stay, they will take them.  I dont know what I would do if that would happen. My friend says that I can stay with her but i think that downstate is too busy for me. Everything is so expensive. I feel like such a loser. If I would have been better prepared this would not have happened. Sometimes I feel like my life just isnt worth living. I will keep everyone posted on what is going on. Thank you for all the kind comments.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

Home again

I just got home last night from downstate. I am doing ok I guess. I still miss my sister but I am doing ok. We are packing up her things today. It looks as if we are going to have until the begining of december to find a place to go. It doesnt look hopeful but I keep in going. I put an application for low income housing but they said it would be a waiting list of about 18 to 24 months. I guess that is better than nothing. I am having panic attacks but tyring to keep things together for the family. My husband is so worried that sometimes he cries. I try to let him know everything will be ok so that he will feel better. I know that things are bad but I hate seeing him cry. Thank you for all your comments and prayers. Somehow we will get by. I hope to be able to actually have the time to comment on everyone else's journal. Thanks everyone

Thursday, November 1, 2007

downstate for funeral

I am staying at a friend's house until I can get home for the funeral. This is where I would like to move back down to but I dont know if I can afford it here. Things are more expensive and scary. All my friends and family are here though.
My friend said that I could stay with her until I find somewhere to go when I get here. I dont know how well that will go. I know she is trying to help but she has two adults and two children in a little trailor as it is.
My sister didnt pay the last 6 months of mortgage in our house. My husband and I were giving her our half of the money and she wasnt paying it. It wasnt like her to be like that. Something must have been wrong for quite some time. The mortgage holder says that we have to be out of the house by December 1st. I am scared for my family. I dont want to lise my children due to a lack of a place to go. I also dont want to be a burden to anyone by living with them.
My parents refuse to help me even though they have a huge house. They said they dont know what to tell me. They would let me be on the streets. My husband tries real hard,. He is a hard worker. He always has a job when there is one to have. He is working now.
I dont know why my parents cant help us. It has been ten years since I have even asked for thier help before. They would let me lose the kids to children services and still would not help me.
Oh well i guess that is just the way they are. Now on top of grieving for my sister's death I am also angry with her and what she has left we with. I dont know how she could have done this to us. I dont know why she did it. I feel as if i trusted her and she let me down. These are feelings that cant be resolved because she is no longer with us.
I hate feeling like this right now. I feel dread about going back home. I am isolated from everyone up there. I was happy up there until my sister passed away. She was all I knew up there. But on the same breath, coming down here is scary too. I dont know what to do. 1
I am very sorry about not commenting on anyone's journals. I barely had time to post this on mine. I am going to try to read some journals today. I hop everyone is doing good. Keep safe everyone and God Bless.