Friday, September 28, 2007

Sister is home

My sister came home today. I have to take care of her here at home. The doctor said that she will get better but now she cat even walk. She is so scared that she wont walk again. I am trying to take care of her and run my household. Please pray for me that I will have he strenghth and indurance  physically and take care of everything. I am so stressed and afraid that I wont be able to take care of everyone properly. Please pray for my sister to get better and to have faith that she will get better. She is so sad. It hurts to see her in pain. Thank you everyone for your prayers. Everyone wil be in my thoughts an prayers.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

things a little better

Last night was horrible. My sister called a hundred times until about 1 am. She was yelling at me and just being plain mean. Everytime I got off the phone with her, I would just start crying. I didnt know what to do. I cant make it better. I am doing what I can for her. I sat in the hospital yesterday all day . I have not seen my husband more than a passing glance for the last couple of days. I havent even seen my children much.

I went to see her today. She was doing somewhat better. Her mood was better and she was not as depressed. I kow she is scared and I am scared for her too. I am hurting right now too. Thank you for all your prayers. I will keep everyone posted.


Wednesday, September 26, 2007

My sister isnt doing well

Thank you for all the comments. I am so sorry that I have not commented on anyone's journal lately. My sister found out that she has a fragmnent of bone stuck in her back. She is still in the hospital and may need surgery. She is not doing well mentally. She had a break down in the hospital today and strted yelling and crying because she wants to die. She told me to that I should forget about her and she broke up with her husband. She says that she has nothing to give me. I had to leave and go to the waiting room and just take deep breaths. I was with her all day today at the hospital and I am very tired emotionally and physically. Then I had to come home with three kids who were just being bad. I am going to take a hot bath and relax. I need it. I feel so lost and upset. I will write more later. I cant even think anymore. Thank you for all your prayers.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Sister in hospital

I dont have much time to post but I wanted to write a little bit. My sister went back into the emergency room today because her legs went totally numb. I drove her to the hospital and she was screaming in pain. They kept her over night for tests. She is in so much pain. It is really hard to see her like that. They gave her some morphine and volume to help with her pain. They said she may have a slipped disk. I will update more later, I have to get to bed and get up early to go to the hospital. I hope everyone is doing well.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Spent the day at the hospital


I had to take my sister to the hospital this morning. She had horrible back pain and couldnt even move. We had to get her to the car and to the hospital. She was crying by the time we got there. She was in so much pain. They gave her some pain medicince by IV and she felt alot better. She is home now and still in pain but she is doing better. We were in the emergency room for about 5 hours. There were alot of people there today. Tonight we are eating and easy take out meal and resting. Tomorrow i have to get some cleaning done. I hope everyone is doing well.


A joke for everyone

I have been feeling loopy from my new medicine. I havent really had time to even get online for very long. I had so many messages and journals to read. I dont really have time to post right now but thought that I would share this joke. I hope everyone is having a great day.

A woman went to her local clinic, where she was seen by a young new
Doctor. After about 3 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her
She was pregnant.

She burst out of the room and ran down the corridor screaming. An older
Doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was; after listening to her
Story, he calmed her down and sat her in another room. Then the doctor
Marched down the hallway to the first doctor's room.

"What the hell's wrong with you?" he demanded. "This woman is 63 years old,
She has two grown children and several grandchildren, and you told her she
Was pregnant?!!"

The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up
Said: "Does she still have the hiccups?"

Friday, September 21, 2007

Less stress

Well the medicine the doctor gave me is working but it is giving me chest pains. Go figure. I am going to call the doctor on monday and see what she says about it. I have been feeling calmer than i usually do. My husband is working his last 12 hour night tonight. Thank goodness!! I miss him so much and cant wait to spend more time with him. He is definitely the love of my life even though there are times when we argue and try to avoid each other.

I finally found a home for one of my dogs. He was too much for me given what is going on right now in my house. He was a very destructive little puppy. I say puppy but he was 2 years old. He went to a lady who actually bought his brother the same time we got him. His brother does the same thing so I am confident that she can handle him just fine. I think the turning point for me deciding that finding a home for him was a good thing was when I came home from taking my son to football. He tore up the crate that he was in and got out and tore up some of my things. Right now is not a good time for me to deal with that. So I made the hard decision to say goodbye. You have to understand that i loved that dog so much that I had pictures of him on my wall just like I do my children. He was very special to me but my kids have to come first and my health and my stress level could not handle that very well. If anyone wants to adopt a dog, I would suggest that they do not adopt a American Bulldog because they are horrible at destroying things.

Tomorrow I am going to do some relaxing. I don't do much housework on the weekends because the kids are here to mess it up right after I clean it. They are like little tornadoes messing up everything in their path. lol Well speaking of my little tornadoes, I have to go and make supper.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

A story to share

Someone e-mailed this to me and I thought that I would put it here in my journal. I really liked it and it made me think. Hope everyone enjoys it.


I'm invisible.

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?"

Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask , "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please."

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.

She's going, she's going, she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this."

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building whenno one sees."

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam . He was puzzled and ask ed the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it."

And the workman replied, "Because God sees."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there."

As mothers (and fathers), we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible wome


Tuesday, September 18, 2007

New medicine

I know it has been awhile since I have posted a journal page. Alot has been going on. I have been more depressed than ever. I finally gave in and went to see the doctor. She put me on xanax for panic attacks and effexor for my depression. I guess everything really caught up with me. My youngest daughter is having problems in school. The councilor thinks there may be something wrong with her. I think she just needs to apply herself more. I dont see my husband very much anymore. He has been working 12 hour nights. He goes in at 1pm and doesnt get home until 1 am. By the time he gets home, I am bed sleeping. He doesnt get out of bed until about 11 then he has to leave to got o work at 12. I guess it is taking a toll on our marriage. I feel like I am alone when it comes to the kids. I am really lonely. I miss my husband and the way we used to be. We havent really hugged and kissed each other in a long while. The house is a total mess. I have been running the kids to doctor's appointments and sports events all week. I feel as if I need to be two people. I am the only one who goes to my son's football games and my daughter's concerts. Gees I feel all worn out.

On a brighter note, we are signing papers for our new house tomorrow. Although it will be really hard to come up with the money to pay for it, it is really something that we needed to do. The house is costing us 55,000. It is a very small house but in really good shape. We have a small yard and a very nice neighbor. We will be close to the school and walking distance to the park and the store. It will make life easier. plus most important, It has heat.

I don't know about you but I have noticed that people are acting alot diffeent than they used to. People are more judgemental and just plain out and out rude. The way people talk to each other anymore is just horrible. I had some bad experiences with people this last week. I have had people cut in front of me and not say excuse me. I have had people just have a cold attitude towards me. Sometimes I think that people in general just dont like me. Maybe it is just in my head.

Well I guess I better close this before i write a book lol


Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Good news


The last couple of days have brought me some good news and some not so good news. The good news is that we found a loan for our new house. It may take a month or two to get everything in order but things look good. The bad news is that I can only take two dogs with me so one of my babies have to go. I chose Domino because he tends to be destructive. He is a loving dog but very high matanance.(sorry for the bad spelling) I will miss him dearly but my family has to come first.

The bad news is that my husband now has to work hours a day. He found that out last night. He has a bad back and has a hard time working the 8 hours he worked before. This is mandatory or they will fire him. We are not happy because he wont ever see the kids or me. Tonight I am up late because I cant sleep without him. He usually gets home at 11 now he wont get home until 2 am. Right now it is ok because my sister lives next door but when I move , I will be all alone. The good news is that we wil have extra money to get bills paid. I guess there is light in every dark situation. Yesterday I was in a bad emotional state. I cried alot and didn't even brush my hair right or get into descent clothes. Today I feel a bit better. It's been a roller coaster ride for me emotionally. One day I am happy, one day I am neutral and ten another day I am sad. I am hoping that when I move I feel alot better. Right now I am out in the middle of nowhere where I cant really get anywhere without driving a hundred miles. The house we want to move into is in town. I will be able to walk the kids and dogs to the park. Or I will be able to walk to the store. It will be so nice. Plus I will be able to get involved in more social things(if I can get o ver my social anxiety). Well I am going to try to lay down and go to bed. I hope all is well for everyone.


Monday, September 10, 2007



I am really tired tonight but I cant seem to fall asleep. I decided to get on here for a couple of minutes. Someone e-mailed me this so I thought I would share it with everyone. I had a really hard day but i just hoope tomorrow will be better.


Where Was God on 9-11-01?

"Where have you laid him?" he [Jesus] asked. "Come and see, Lord," they replied. Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, "See how he loved him."1

The question: Where was God when my baby sister died suddenly? ... When my husband died in the prime of life? ... When my child was kidnapped, murdered, and raped? The question is as old as Job and as fresh as today. So many asked where was God on this day
September 11, 2001—when terrorists destroyed the New York trade towers and smashed into the Pentagon killing some three thousand people.

So where was God? God was and is where he always was and is. He was present. He knew it all. He saw it all. And I believe that as Jesus wept when his friend Lazarus died, so also he wept grievously on this tragic day as he does when all senseless tragedies happen.

Did God cause it to happen? No, never! Did he know it would happen? Yes, he did. Why didn't he stop it? And why didn't he stop Hitler massacring millions of Jews and why didn't he stop Stalin and others who have slaughtered millions? And why doesn't he stop rapists, kidnappers, and murderers ... and terrorists ... and suicide bombers ... and all wars?

For the simple reason that he has given mankind a free will to choose—either to follow and obey Him or to go our own sinful, and often evil way. It's mankind's choice. It is every single individual's choice. God never created or wanted puppets on a string. We all have been given a free will. The fact is that God is where he always was. He never left us. We, as a human race, left him. When tragedies occur, the question should not be, "Where is God?" but "Where are we?"

However, when we choose and go the way of evil, the heart of God grieves ... in fact, because God cared for and loved us so much is why he gave his Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, to die for our sins and deliver us from evil and from sin's eternal consequences—hell and eternal separation from him
the source of all love and life.

Yes, Jesus wept on this day in 2001, and I believing he grieved with the thousands of others who also grieved on this day because their heart was torn with grief
—and he still grieves with all who are suffering today and every day because of mankind's acts of senseless evil.

As the hymn writer expressed in words to this effect:

   Does Jesus care?
   O yes he cares,
   I know he cares,
   His heart is touched with my grief,
   The long hours weary
   So sad and dreary
   I know my Savior cares.


I hope everyone enjoyed that. I hope everyone is doing good. I am going to go now and hopefully be able to sleep. Thank you to everyone who has been there for me. Nite....Christine

Sunday, September 9, 2007

quiet day

I am hoping to have a quiet day today. I do have to make myself get some cleaning done. I am not much of s housewife I guess. I hate cleaning, laundry and cooking. But I get it done anyways. I am hoping to be able to get out and walk the dogs. I have to give Bear his ear medicines. He is sick all the time. He has an auto immuine disease from being mistreated by his old owners he was put in a pen with too many other dogs when he was just a baby. His mother had to feed him and 12 other puppies, some of them not hers. He did not get enough of his mother's milk to give him the amount of antibodies that he needed. Now he gets sick alot. Fortunetly we have a vetenarian who treats him real cheap. Yesterday with all the medicines and the shot he gave him and the check up itself, he only charged me 40.00. Anywhere else around here it would have been more like 140.00. I guess i am lucky in that way.

Well I am going to go and try to get some cleaning accmplished. I hope all is well.

Saturday, September 8, 2007

very tired but not a bad day

Hello everyone.... i washed my new bunny and brushed her out real good. She is just a doll baby. I am so glad that I decided to take her in. This is what my bunny looks like. The other bunny isnt as friendly but i have been working on her. I was reluctant to take her in when my friend couldnt keep her anymore. Now I am glad that I did. I think she is a permanant part of our family.

I didnt get much sleep last night. I might have gotten three hours tops. My husband works second shift most of the time but today he worked 6am-2pm. He worked last night 3pm-11pm..I wait up for him to get home from worj and by the time we went to bed we didnt get much sleep at all. I am exhausted. I had to get up early and take my dog "Bear" to the vetenarian. He has a very bad ear infection. The vet gave him ear drops and some anitbiotics. I felt so sorry for him last night. He was whining and crying all night. I gave him an aspirin but that was the best i could do for him. Today he seems to feel alot better. He is prone to skin irritations so summer really isnt the best seasonf ro him. I cant wait until winter. He will do better when it is cold out.

Not much else has been going on. My sister is over making tacos tonight for dinner. She is the cook of the family. I cant cook at all. My husband says I can but I really dont know how to make much. I make a good meat loaf, cumcumber salad, and I make killer deviled eggs (so I have heard). Maet loaf night my family cant get enough of it. They all love it. Especailly what my family calls the pan crispies. lol... I am going to go lay down before dinner. I hope everyone is doing good

Thursday, September 6, 2007

The Bunny is co cute

The one bunny that I took in for my friend is so adorable. I will have to take a picture of her. She has long gray hair. She is just beautiful. She is so attentive to things that go on around her. The other bunny just sits there and eats and hides. She puts her feet on the side of the cage wanting someone to come and talk to her. She lets you pick her up and even cuddle with her. She is a very calm bunny. I look over several times and she is staring at me trying to see what I am doing. She is so funny. She has put a much needed smile on my face today. They are really no problem to care for so I think I am going to permently keep them. The other bunny is scared and very jittery but I think she will calm down eventually. I would find a home for the one but then they would miss each other.

Everything went ok today. Nothing terrible happened or anything. I woke up early this morning and did the dreaded grocery shopping. I usually like to shop but this morning for some reason I didn't want to go. But I did ok. I tried to get more healthy foods this time. I cut out the "bad for you" snacks out all together and bought more veggies and fruit. I really need to lose alot of weight. I find it hard to lose weight. I am not very good at dieting. I find myself cheating frequently. I need to lose about 135 pounds. I weigh about 284 and I am about 5'7" tall. I know if I lose the weight I will feel alot better but sometimes I just cant stop eating. I used to be really thin when I was younger but after I had my second child, I just didn't lose the weight. I have been heavy since then. i hate the way I look but mostly I just hate the way I feel all the time. I am going to try harder to follow a good eating habit.

Sorry if there are any typos. My cat decided that now is the time to sit on me while I am trying to type. He never wants to sit with me when I am not doing anything. It is always when I am doing something. He is just too cute for me to make him get down . lol So I just try to type around him. lol...I will have to share some pics when I get some put on the computer. I have discs of pictures but I can never find the time to load them on here. Well i think I am going to go try to lay down and sleep. I usually wait up for my husband to get home but I am just way too tired tonight. I hope everyone is well..Take care

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

New Bunnies

My friend had to move away and had nowhere to take her bunnies. She tried to find homes for them but couldnt. I ended up taking them in. There are two of them. One is a lion's head lop earred bunny, and the other one is a mini rex. They are small and they seem easy to take care of. They are quiet and very friendly. I gave them some vegies and they thought this was the best thing. One ate a piece of pepper out of my hand. The lion's head lop has long hair. She is so pretty. The other one is brown with short hair. I kow I didnt need anymore pets but I couldnt see them go to the spca shelter where they would sit and then be put to sleep. They are not hard at all to care for. My youngest son loves them. Mayeb I can get him involved in helping to care for them. They say kids with pets learn responsibilty,even if it is a small mouse.

Everything here is ok for now. My husband and I have been having some problems. We dont talk as much about anything. We have been snapping at each other about things. We have a difference of opinion on how to raise the children. That doesnt help things much. We have been through rough spots before. I guess we will get through it again. One thing is he gets tied of me laing in bed alot. When I get depressed I tend to stay in bed longer and not do as much cleaning.

Well I have to go and pick up my daughter form the bus stop. I am gong to take her to the park for awhile. I hope all is well with every one.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

a very nice man

I know I just posted an entry but I decided to tell everyone what a very nice man is doing for me. His name is David. He knows that me and the family are going through alot. He is taking us to his storage shed to give me some clothes that his daughter out grew and that my daughter could fit into. He also has toys for my kids and some household stuff we will need in our new house,if we can mange to get the house. I am praying for that. Anyways, this man is so sweet.

Here I had found out that I had given his daughter some extar furniture that we had and soem baby clothes and furniture  that she needed. So he decided to help me out. I am Thankful there is still some caring people out there. With all the stories I here on the news, the world seems like such an uncaring place. Well I thought I would share that. I hope all of you are doing well. I will most likely post later. I am addicted to this posting stuff. lol....Christine

Yard sale blunder

Something really awful happened. I feel really horribel about it even today. Yesterday evening people were putting free stuff out from the big yard sale weekend. My sister and I drive around for something to do to see what poeple put out for free. Well there was this box of stuff out by the road. It had match box cars and playstation games in it. It was right at the road and it had old blankets on the top so I thought it was free. My husband even went to the door and knocked to  ake sure it was free. Noone answered. So we took the box of stuff. Well later in the day, my sister drove by the house again and there was people outside still having a yard sale. I took something that wasnt free by accident. I feel so bad about it. I dont know what to do. I am not a theif. I didnt mean to do it. My sister said that the box looked free and that they should not have had it up against the road like that. I never saw a yard sale set up like that. I am tossing around the thought of taking them back even though it is very embarrassing especially since it is the next day. I am very upset about this. Does anyone have any advice for me??

Sunday, September 2, 2007

Not bad day

Well I had a good time with my mother yesterday. We got along very well. We went yard saleing all day. My mother loves yard saleing too. I guess it runs in the family. I spent the night with her in the motel with the kids. There really isnt much room in my small trailer for her to comfortably sleep. We had a great time. Lasy night we went to see the movie Underdog with the kids. This morning we woke up and went out to breakfast before she left for home. I am worried about her though. She looks so tired and depressed. I am very worried about her.

Today my sister and I went out to the store. On the way there was this free box so we stopped and looked in to see what it was. Here is was a little kitten. About 2 feet away there was a dead, and half eaten mother cat. All that was there ws the back legs and tail. It was horrible. I almost threw up. I grabbed the kitten immediatly and took him home. He is so tiny. I didnt want another cat but I just couldnt let him stay there in that box. I dont know why people treat animals like that. Our last cat we found under the pavillon in a park abandoned. I cant understand people. I could never dump off any animal like that.

While i was on the subject, I thought I would share this cartoon that I had sent to me. My rottweiler had a rough start as well. My son came home one day and told me that his friend had puppies that she needed to place in homes and he begged me for one. I said no for awhile and then I gave in. I called her and got directions to get up there. When we got up there, we saw the  14 puppies in a tiny pen outside with two big rottweilers, a Chihuahua, and some other smaller dog.  They were in mud with only one tiny dog house for all of them to use. The puppies were so scared. We picked out Bear. We took him home and he was covered in fleas. We flea dipped him immediatly and then went to the Vetenarian the next day the purchase stringer flea medicine.He cried in pain all night. We took him for shots  and care the very next day and the vet said he had a really bad bacterial skin infection. It took a month of antibiotics and lots of skin medicine to clear it up. He still, to this day, does not have hair on some of his body. There is permanent damage to skin and the hair wont grow. He has to have sweaters in the winter. I just dont understand how people can be so cruel. I dont even know why they have pets at all.

I am going to go now and relax after a busy couple of days.I bought the movie "Overboard" with Golid Hawn and Kur Russel at a yard sale. I am going to lay down and watch it. Just looking at Kurt Russel is worth it all. lol Just kidding. As always, Thanks for listening. I hope all is well for everyone.