Thursday, November 1, 2007

downstate for funeral

I am staying at a friend's house until I can get home for the funeral. This is where I would like to move back down to but I dont know if I can afford it here. Things are more expensive and scary. All my friends and family are here though.
My friend said that I could stay with her until I find somewhere to go when I get here. I dont know how well that will go. I know she is trying to help but she has two adults and two children in a little trailor as it is.
My sister didnt pay the last 6 months of mortgage in our house. My husband and I were giving her our half of the money and she wasnt paying it. It wasnt like her to be like that. Something must have been wrong for quite some time. The mortgage holder says that we have to be out of the house by December 1st. I am scared for my family. I dont want to lise my children due to a lack of a place to go. I also dont want to be a burden to anyone by living with them.
My parents refuse to help me even though they have a huge house. They said they dont know what to tell me. They would let me be on the streets. My husband tries real hard,. He is a hard worker. He always has a job when there is one to have. He is working now.
I dont know why my parents cant help us. It has been ten years since I have even asked for thier help before. They would let me lose the kids to children services and still would not help me.
Oh well i guess that is just the way they are. Now on top of grieving for my sister's death I am also angry with her and what she has left we with. I dont know how she could have done this to us. I dont know why she did it. I feel as if i trusted her and she let me down. These are feelings that cant be resolved because she is no longer with us.
I hate feeling like this right now. I feel dread about going back home. I am isolated from everyone up there. I was happy up there until my sister passed away. She was all I knew up there. But on the same breath, coming down here is scary too. I dont know what to do. 1
I am very sorry about not commenting on anyone's journals. I barely had time to post this on mine. I am going to try to read some journals today. I hop everyone is doing good. Keep safe everyone and God Bless.


jhorky said...

As you know, I just finished talking to you on IM.  Christine, as I said be very careful.  Will your husband be able to find work if you move/   Lucille

bojgill4375 said...

Very hard for me to give advice on something like this. Try to forgive your sister if you can. I feel like we can not think straight if we have hatered in our heart. Ask yourself if there is ever a time when your sister had to forgive you; and did she forgive you? I feel like you that something must have been wrong for your sister to do this sort of thing. Where you are out spoken to her, maybe she didn't want to share something really bad with you... because she loved you and did not want to upset you.

As far as your parents I can maybe relate to them. Yes, I have 18 acres and a 3 bedroom double wide. Our place looks really nice but yet we have nothing in savings. If we had to help one of our kids we would have to barrow the money. If we sacrificed to help one of them we might end up in the same situation as them. Very hard choice but has to be made.  Are you getting welfare right now? If some of your children do not belong to your husband you should be able to get assistance for them with welfare. I am so sorry that I can not help more but be assured that you are in my prayers & prayers are more powerful than anything. God Bless, Janie