I know I haven't been keeping up with my journal. Things have not been going so well. As soon as I get home, I get more bad news thrown my way. The underwriters of the insurance company wont allow the insurance company to insure us anymore. We have to have insurance to keep the mortgage on our property. When it rains it pours I always say.
Ruth Zellar (our mortgage holder) has been very uncooperative with us. She expects the whole amount late and not only that she says that we owe more than what we really owe. There isn't much I can do because the ball is in her court. We owner financed from her and if she decides to go to court then we will lose the house. She wants me to pay 100 hundred dollars a week for mortgage. That won't leave us money to pay other bills and survive. I didn't know that we were even late. I explained that to her and she kept on being rude to me. She was telling me how Melissa wasn't paying the mortgage on time since we bought the place. I had no clue about any of that. Then she said that my promises didn't mean anything to her at all. I have never promised anything to her that I didn't keep. I understand how mad she must be. I would be too if someone didn't pay me for 7 months on the property they agreed to pay on. But I think she should try to understand my position. I cant give her what I don't have. I don't have any problem paying her the monthly agreed amount. I also told her that she could have my tax return when it comes in. We also have stocks that we can pay off the property with in April. She just treated me so bad on the phone .I explained to her that I have three children and I dont want to see them homeless or separated from me.She didnt care. My mortgage is only 263 dollars a month that puts me about 5,000 dollars behind with interest. The way it sounds, I am going to have to leave here soon despite my struggling.
I am going to have to separate from my family. My children are going to have to go live somewhere else. I cried all night last night. I even considered death as an option. I really don't think I can survive without my children. I think this is the worse thing I have ever had to face in my life. I really believe God has abandoned our family. It is hard to trust anyone anymore after what my sister did to me. I am having a hard time with having any kind of faith. I have let my children down. I am sorry to have to write such bad things. I really wish that I had happy things to write. And maybe someday I will have something happy to post. But I don't think that time will be anytime soon. Thank you all for listening to my grim news. I hope all are doing well. I am always praying for all of you.