Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Things still arent going well

I know I haven't been keeping up with my journal. Things have not been going so well. As soon as I get home, I get more bad news thrown my way. The underwriters of the insurance company wont allow the insurance company to insure us anymore. We have to have insurance to keep the mortgage on our property. When it rains it pours I always say.

Ruth Zellar (our mortgage holder) has been very uncooperative with us. She expects the whole amount late and not only that she says that we owe more than what we really owe. There isn't much I can do because the ball is in her court. We owner financed from her and if she decides to go to court then we will lose the house. She wants me to pay 100 hundred dollars a week for mortgage. That won't leave us money to pay other bills and survive. I didn't know that we were even late. I explained that to her and she kept on being rude to me. She was telling me how Melissa wasn't paying the mortgage on time since we bought the place. I had no clue about any of that. Then she said that my promises didn't mean anything to her at all. I have never promised anything to her that I didn't keep. I understand how mad she must be. I would be too if someone didn't pay me for 7 months on the property they agreed to pay on. But I think she should try to understand my position. I cant give her what I don't have. I don't have any problem paying her the monthly agreed amount. I also told her that she could have my tax return when it comes in. We also  have stocks that we can pay off the property with in April. She just treated me so bad on the phone .I explained to her that I have three children and I dont want to see them homeless or separated from me.She didnt care. My mortgage is only 263 dollars a month that puts me about 5,000 dollars behind with interest.   The way it sounds, I am going to have to leave here soon despite my struggling.

I am going to have to separate from my family. My children are going to have to go live somewhere else. I cried all night last night. I even considered death as an option. I really don't think I can survive without my children. I think this is the worse thing I have ever had to face in my life. I really believe God has abandoned our family. It is hard to trust anyone anymore after what my sister did to me. I am having a hard time with having any kind of faith. I have let my children down. I am sorry to have to write such bad things. I really wish that I had happy things to write. And maybe someday I will have something happy to post. But I don't think that time will be anytime soon. Thank you all for listening to my grim news. I hope all are doing well. I am always praying for all of you.


lucille4364 said...

Things are surely a mess.  I hate to see the kids split up or for that matter your family.  I just have no more suggestions left.  You have nothing to lose if you try some welfare agencies or Salvation army but I truly do not know the entire situation or how your state works,  You all have to have a roof over your head.  Try to keep us posted as to your next step.  Lucille

barbpinion said...

I hate that you're going through so much, remember how it was for me when I raised my children alone. Please check out Salvation Army and welfare. God has not forgotten you, though I can understand how it may feel as if He has. Please keep us posted so we know you are okay, and that the children are. Big hugs. Wish they could  be real ones.

bojgill4375 said...

I am so sorry that you are going through this Christine. It is hard to comment when one can not make things better. I know that it might feel like God has deserted you but I am sure that He has not. I know what you mean about not trusting anymore. Very hard when someone that you love lets you down. My daughter went through the same things with a double wide that she was renting to own. The guy spent the money instead of putting it on the payment. :(  They have to talk tough hoping that you will find a way or ask a relative to help you. That is their job. :(  Glad I don't have her job. I know that it is bad not staying with your children, but thank goodness they have some where to go. Death.. you would leave your children without a mother? I too have thought something like that and now think it was so insane. Is there anyway that you could refinance? You said the trailer wasn't any good, is it worth saving? Would you be better off without the trailer and rent? You and your family are in my prayers every day. God Bless, Janie

manda2177 said...

Christine, whenyou talk this way, I feel like someone else is writing your journal.  Its just not YOU.  You know the Lord, you know how things work in this life.  Suicide is never an option... and as for separtating with your family...well, maybe thats something the KIDS need to go through... maybe the Lord is working in their lives in a different way.  Where is all your hope?  Where is your faith?  Where is all the courage that I KNOW you have?  You have made it through so much in this life Christine.  You have suffered.  You have been broken.  And the Lord has remained with you and even helped you get back on your feet!  

Christine... You HAVE everything to live for and you have SO MUCH TO DO!!!  Get out there!  Make things happen for your family!  Accept where the Lord leads you!