Sunday, October 7, 2007

goodbye

Things have been happening to me one after the other. My car has broke down and I have absolutely no money to fix it. My husband has bad pains and he had blood in his urine. I am so scared. He has had this before and it has come back. My dog was hit by a car this morning. The lady who hit him came up my driveway to tell me she hit him. I flipped on her. I shouldnt have but these people drive 50 miles an hour up and down the street. It is a dirt street and it just upsets me. I yelled at her and told her that she should slow down. She is one of my neighbors and I am not sure which one. I now understand that I dont belong anywhere. I dont have any friends. I just dont know what to say to people. I am not socialable. I think I would go a steo further to say that most people dont like me much. I have alot of emotional problems and I think that it contributes to the problem. I am so depressed and so upset all the time. I really feel that Gad has left me. I dont blame him. He has more important things to deal with. I try to talk to my mother and all i get is"stop feeling sorry for yourself and do what you have to do". I dont feel sorry for myself. I honestly feel as if I am a burden to everyone in my family..  I am always crying and I am always tired. I tried taking medicne but that didnt go well. I had bad side affects. It was a shame because the medicine was starting to help me emotionally. I cant win. I feel very drained. I know alot of my online friends have alot more problems than me. I feel very guilty for feeling like this. I am not sure whether or not I will be posting on my journal anymore. I dont quite know how to explain this. I dont ever have anything good to write in my journal because i feel so horrible inside all the time. I dont want to only write bad things so i feel as if I shouldnt write at all. I read all of your journals and you guys always have something happy and nice to write. I think that is wonderful. All of you guys deserve nice things to happen to you. I hope everything goes well for all of you. I have met the nicest most caring people that I have ever known on here. I admire everyone's good attitude. I want to say thank you for being there for me.It is comforting that amoungst all these rude and uncaring people that there are some that are still caring and understanding.  (((HUGS))) I will pray for all of you. Well I am going to go and lay down for awhile. My head is spinning. Take care everyone and stay safe.....Christine

3 comments:

ljat1 said...

Oh, Christine, I'm so sorry you're feeling so depressed.  A lot of difficult things are hitting you at the same time.  I understand when you say how you feel.  I've been through it -- if not just the same -- at least I had that same kind of depression at times and difficult trials that I wondered at the time if I would ever survive.  The difficult things we have to deal with in this life do pass.  They can leave their mark but they will pass.  And, we can become so much stronger for going through the trials.  We, as humans and as children of God, really do have the ability to work through these things.  You must not think that God has abandoned you.  In my 58 years I've learned that all those bad times when I felt like God had left me, it was I who had left him.  You must be strong and turn to Him in sincere prayer.  If we can learn to hand over those trials that we do not seem to be able to fix ourselves, He will take care of them -- in His own way and in His own time.  I will prayer for you and yours.  If you ever just want a sympathetic ear, please feel free to write me.  God Bless you.  Linda  

manda2177 said...

Christine, now is not the time to abandon everything you know and trust... now is the time to LEAN ON and DEPEND on others.  On GOD.  He knows your pain.  He knows your burden.  

Christine, He knows that you can handle these things and that you will be stronger and closer to Him after... and He wants you to be well!!!  I like to think that I have the cure for depression.  Seriously.  No lie.  No strings attached.

Want to know it?

Go do something nice for someone else.  

Thats it.  Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our lives and all we are facing.  Go find that neighbor and tell her exactly what you said here.  Go to your local church or food shelter and offer up an hour of your time to help them.  Lend a hand.

Christine...do you know how loved you are?  Do you have ANY clue as to how valuable you are?  Just the thought of giving up is hurting God more than we know... can you imagine YOUR child feeling these things?  Wouldn't you want to help you child?  Thats how God feels about you!

Love you my dear sister in Christ-
Amanda

bojgill4375 said...

Oh my! Running late because of some computer issues. You are in my prayers to be able to handle all that has happened. I think we have all been there before. In my prayers & hugs, Janie