Thank you very much for all your prayers. I have my ups and my downs.Right now I have my wits about me. In an hour or less I could be laying on the floor crying in pain. I have such ups and downs. It feels like all a dream. I know that she was sick for a long while but nobody expected this. We are all in shock. I was there when she passed away and I cant get it out of my mind. She was so scared. I tried to console her by telling her to breath slower and by telling her that she would be ok. I feel like I lied to her. I know I might have said it many times but that is how I feel.I saw her take her last breath and her eyes rolled up in her head. I cant get that out of my mind. My aunt said that she wont be happy unless I am happy and go on with my life. She said that if I pray to God that Melissa will here me. My aunt said a prayer with me over the phone and told me that she wished she could give me a big hug. This is so hard. I was very fragile emotionally before this and now I feel that I might have been pushed over the edge. Thank you for all your prayers. It feels better to know that people care about me. I will try my best to keep updating my journal. But with funeral plans and everything I dont know when. Thanks again for your support.