Friday, October 26, 2007

trying to go on with life

Thank you very much for all your prayers. I have my ups and my downs.Right now I have my wits about me. In an hour or less I could be laying on the floor crying in pain. I have such ups and downs.  It feels like all a dream. I know that she was sick for a long while but nobody expected this. We are all in shock. I was there when she passed away and I cant get it out of my mind. She was so scared. I tried to console her by telling her to breath slower and by telling her that she would be ok. I feel like I lied to her. I know I might have said it many times but that is how I feel.I saw her take her last breath and her eyes rolled up in her head. I cant get that out of my mind.  My aunt said that she wont be happy unless I am happy and go on with my life. She said that if I pray to God that Melissa will here me. My aunt said a prayer with me over the phone and told me that she wished she could give me a big hug. This is so hard. I was very fragile emotionally before this and now I feel that I might have been pushed over the edge. Thank you for all your prayers. It feels better to know that people care about me. I will try my best to keep updating my journal. But with funeral plans and everything I dont know when. Thanks again for your support.

 

5 comments:

bojgill4375 said...

You have things going right now and they need to get done. If you feel really bad just make a post and ask all of us to pray for you. Prayer is the best thing that all of us can do for you. My daughter watched my mother die Dec. 27, 2005, take her last breath, and all that. My daughter said she will never get it out of her mind. She cried a lot for a long time. My daugher and mother was VERY CLOSE. It will take time, prayers, and healing to get you beyond this, but with God you will. My mother was scared and didn't want to die. My prayer was that God would give her a calm spirit and be happy where she is. One day we will see them again... and oh what a day of rejoicing that will be. Maybe God needed another angel in heaven, so He took your sister. You are in my prayers and your family. God Bless, Janie

jhorky said...

Janie said it all!!  Just know when this is all over we will be there for you in our thoughts and prayers.  You did the right thing in telling her she would be ok.  I did that with all my loved ones, even though I knew they would not be ok.  It is human nature, Christine.  You are normal when you say it feels like a dream, that to is normal.  You take care of what needs to be done and we will be here whan you are needing us most.   Lucille

lucille4364 said...

Christine,You will be ok.  expent she will be buried tomorrow if not last Friday,  As far as watching her draw her last breath, cinsider that an honor.  I BARELY aMADE IT TO MY MOMS h and when I walked in and foot of the bed cauase I had,   to find a babysitter, and the thing will cherish the most is she raised her head, she looked square at me, and said ''"now I can go",  Ny sisterrs  has been there all day and mom was gasping and I just walked over and lifted her head and said.  "You can go now mom".  She gurgle" and was gone and at.  That was the greatest thing in the world to know you were there.  Lucy

thegirlnexdoor77 said...

Sending you cyber hugs! (((((Christine))))  I will be praying for you...there are no words other than just know we all care and will be keeping you in our thoughts and prayers!  Hugs,TerryAnn

chevyz71gurl74 said...

I was with my aunt when she passed away she was only 43...seeing her take her last breath was so very hard, i too kept seeing it over and over again...it's something I will never forget....but i am so blessed that i was able to be there the last 24hrs of her life...she had cancer and in my heart i believe, i know ....she was ready to go....she couldn't suffer any longer... Selfishly I didn't want her to go...but i didn't want her to suffer anymore either... your not alone Christine...we are all here for you, keeping you in my prayers....

I pray sometimes and talk to my Aunt Judy...i too believe they can hear us =)  

Hugs
Terri