Sunday, December 14, 2008

Why Worry?

"Let heaven fill your thoughts. Do not think only about things down here on earth.
Colossians 3:2 NLT

Worry is the interest paid on trouble before it falls due.
Author unknown

It is not work that kills men; it is worry. Worry is rust upon the blade.
Henry Ward Beecher

"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever.
Psalm 136:1 NLT

When the Holy Spirit controls your life, he will produce this kind of fruit in us:…kindness, goodness.
Galatians 5:22 NLT

I wanted to make worry the main topic of my journal today because I live with extreme worry everyday. It wastes my energy. This is energy that i could use to try to solve the horrible financial problems that I have. Worrying makes me literally physically ill. It drags every bit if energy I have from my body. It makes me depressed with the feeling hopelessness and dread. That isnt living. I need to learn to stop worrying so much. Easier said than done. That is what I have been striving for for many months. Peace.... I just want some peace even if it is only for a brief while.

I prayed this morning to thank God for another day. For another day to make things right. Another chance to reach my goal. He is not responsible for the choices I make. I am. I just ask that he give me the strenghth and the knowledge to make the right choices for my family (kids, pets and everyone)

I feel as every decision lies on my shoulders. I have three kids and 5 animals who rely on the choices I make. am I up to handleing it? I hope so. That is why I pray for strenghth. I want my children to be proud of me. To grow up to adults who dont quit. I dont want them to see me in that depressed state again. I am feeling a bit better. I hope this lasts for awhile. My 16 year old son knows when I get bad. He just takes over the household chores and even cooks for me. I feel sorry for me that he has to do that because his mother gets that depressed but he weathers it like a champ. He is a good kid and I am very proud of him. The one dog we have also knows when i get depressed and weak. He whines and cries and wants to stay with me at all times. It is weird how they pick up on my feelings.

Well this was probably a mistake but there was this aquaintence of mine who had a dog. Well she said she was going to put him to sleep if she didnt find a home for him by the end of the weekend , she was oging to put him down. He is only a 7 month old pit bull mix. He is a sweet and loving dog. Of course i was stupid and although I have severe financial problems , I brought him home. There isnt anything wrong with him, He is a great dog. he didnt deserve to die. I am going to keep him for a week or two to see what his mannerisms are then I am going to try to find him a home. I dont think i will have a problem being that he is so well behaved and plays with the kids. I guess I am just too kind hearted. I think people feed on that all the time. What a push over I am!!!! It is shameful!!

I went to the doctor yesterday and he put me on new meds for my depression. I was a biut scared because of the side affects that I had with my other medicines. He said ths one is different. The worst I should get is the shakes and some dizziness until I get used to it. He put me on a very low dose for now and he is going to work myself up. I have been sleeping very well since on the medicine and feeling alot better. It wont change my situation but I am hoping that it will help me deal with it better.

I cant go take my last part of my GED test tomorrow night as I thought I could. My daughter has a Christmas concert and I really need to go to that. I will have to reschedule. I really wanted to get it over with but the concert means alot to her. I have to go.

What really bothers me is that I wont have any presents for the kids. At least not like I wanted to. I wanted to make thier Christmas happy. I am just dissapointed that I cant do more. I got them a couolle of very little things and the Christmas house here in town said they are going to get some things together for us. Bless them. Without them they wouldnt have gotten anything. They are good people there. An older lady runs the program. She is about 88 years old and is such a sweet lady. She tries to help people all she can.Times are hard. Bless her.

My sister used to make all her Christams gifts. They made them much more special. She was really into the Christmas spirit.


Linda's World said...

Christine, that would be nice if one of the local agencies could help with a few gifts and maybe some food. You sound great today! I'm so proud of you. My suggestion~ when you're worrying about something, write it down on a piece of paper, then tear it up & toss it in the garbage. Then immediately go do something constructive. We all have worries, the trick is not to let them get us down. Even the rich movie stars have worries ~ their kids get sick, they get into trouble with the law, their spouse finds a new goes on & on. Keep your chin up and keep looking up ^ and you'll find that life will get easier. Linda in Washington state where there's snow & it's 28*

Anonymous said...

Christine I am proud of you for deciding not to worry and wasting your energy. I believe that worrying is praying for what you dont want to happen. Truly. I feel that God "reads" us through our emotions and thoughts. What we think about and "feel" about, we get. When we think and feel better, things get better. At lest this has been my experience.

I think of it this way. I know my kids dont "have it all" and they have their struggles. When I hear them cry whine and complain and be ungrateful for what they do have, I dont want to give them more till they are appreciative. When they are sunny and happy and being good to each other, I want to give them everything. I think we as Gods children are the same to him. When we see what we have and live happy, even when things are not perfect, we attract all things good and of God.

Janie said...

Hi Christine, Just dropping in to say hello and wish you a early Merry Christmas. That is wonderful how your son does things for you. He should grow up to be a great young man. I have been poor and know what it is like to not be able to buy gifts for my kids. The best thing that you can give them is your time. A person can not buy LOVE OR TIME. One of the things that I regret now that I am older is not spending more time with my kids when they were little. Praying that things go well for you and that you have a blessed Christmas and the days before and after. You are in my prayers. Love, hugs, and prayers, Janie Sorry I have not been on blogger much... just too busy.

kelly said...

We all worry one way or the other.. take each day as it comes.. keep on praying to God he will hear you.. I pray you find strength as well.. keeping you in my thoughts