noone said life was easy

I have spent the last couple of days very sick. I have a 101.5 fever most of the day yesterday. I hurt all over. I ended up getting what the kids had. Cant say they don't share. lol... This was one nasty virus. I am still sick. The kids got over it alot easier than me. I feel old..

I am trying so hard to keep a good attitude. Everyday it is something new going on. I am so afraid to be comfortable in my house because I am afraid that i will lose it. I will be more broken hearted if i was comfortable here. I am always afraid to be happy in fear that it will be all taken from me. Now I have a new worry. Apparently my sister had alot of unpaid debts. They are saying that they can take my house away from me. I was told because the trailers were in my mane as well that it cant go into probate so there is nothing to worry about. This did not come from a lawyer so I have no clue what they can or can not do. I am so tired of everything. I have no where to go if I lose this house. This has been a never ending struggle. We have put so much money in this house the last few months trying to catch up on mortgage and get things on track. As soon as I feel relieved that things are under control, everything flies out of have again. I fight depression as it is so things have been really challenging. I have been trying to keep my chin up even though things keep going wrong. I know some people have it way worse than me. I should be thankful for what i do have.

My 10 year old daughter had received a paper from school saying that her grades are failing. She keeps failing to finish assignments. She is not very organized. My 16 year old son just received a detention for acting up in class. I tried to talk to him and he said that he just doesn't care. He said that i should stick up for him and that he didn't do it. I have a hard time believing him. I don't know what I am doing anymore. I have been so rapped up in trying to hold on to this house that I have ignored the needs of my children. This has been a rough ride. I just want my children to have a roof over their heads. This has been a fight in itself.

I need peace. I have been trying to hard to find it. I have been unsuccessful. I have been told that if i was a true Christian that I would have peace in my life no matter what. What I am doing wrong?? I just cant seem to find it. Is it out of my reach?? What is my purpose in life?? These are questions I ask myself all the time.

I can do this. I can hold this together. I need to stop worrying. Easier said then done but i will give it my best. I hope everyone is having a wonderful week.

Blessings to all

 

brooms

I thought this was cute so i thought i would share it with everyone. Everyone needs a laugh.

Two Brooms

Two brooms were hanging in the closet, and after a while they got to know each other so well they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride-broom, the other the groom-broom.

The bride-broom looked very  beautiful in her white dress. The groom-broom  was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The  wedding was lovely.

After the wedding,  at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned  over and said to the groom-broom, 'I think I am  going to have a little whisk broom!'  


'IMPOSSIBLE !' said the groom-broom.  

Are  you ready for this?
Brace yourself -- this  is going to hurt!!!!!!

'WE  HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT  TOGETHER!'  

 

 

 

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Pictures

I am really tired today. My youngest son, Daniel, had a fever yesterday of 102.5. I gave him Tylenol and in about an hour it went down to 101.5. I keep checking it off and on and it stayed about the same. Then in the evening it spiked back up to 102.5. I called the doctor and she said just give him Tylenol and make sure he drinks alot. She said to call her if it went up any higher. Of course being that he was sick, he wanted to cling to me and noone else. I felt so bad for him I wanted to cry. He kept saying that it hurt. He was pointing to all over his body so I figured it was the aching from the fever. This morning he woke up and he is down to 99.7. I took it again a little while ago and it is still low. He is sleeping now and I figure he will sleep alot today. I am not used to it being so quiet during the day. The other two are at school. We were all sick here but none of us had a fever of any kind. I dont know exactly what he has.

I woke up this morning. My joints hurt me so bad. I have been tryingo to get some housework finished while my son is sleeping. When he wakes up , I wont be able to get anything finished. He was saying all day yesterday " I love you mommy" over and over again all day. He is such a sweet little boy. I hope he feels better later today. I hate to see my babies sick.

Here are some pictures from over the summer.

my daughter Emily and my son Daniel

Daniel playing on the slip and slide at my mother's house downstate

Daniel and Emily when we went to knoebles in Danville, Pa. My mother took us on the way to her house to visit.

My oldest daughter Tiffany and Daniel

my angel sleeping

Emily on the slip and slide

my oldest son , Carl (CJ) and Emily getting ready to ride a ride

My three babies : )

Daniel and Tiffany

Tiffany and Emily riding the log flume ride

My three brats lol

The tea cup ride . Emily might look calm now but she screamed alot lol

That is my family. I dont have many pictures on the computer. Tiffany sent those to me. I hope everyone has a great monday.

blessings

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God created children

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GOD CREATED CHILDREN (AND IN THE PROCESS GRANDCHILDREN)

To those of us who have children in our lives, 
whether they are our own, grandchildren, 
nieces, nephews or students... 
here is something to make you chuckle. 

Whenever your children are out of control, 
you can take comfort from the thought that 
even God's omnipotence did not extend 
to His own children. 

After creating heaven and earth, 
God created Adam and Eve. 

And the first thing he said was 
' DON'T !' 

'Don 't what ? ' 
Adam replied. 

'Don't eat the forbidden fruit.' 
God said. 

'Forbidden fruit ? 
We have forbidden fruit ? 
Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit ! ' 

' No Way ! ' 
'Yes way ! ' 

'Do NOT eat the fruit ! ' 
said God. 
'Why ? ' 

'Because I am your Father and I said so ! ' 
God replied, 
wondering why He hadn't stopped 
creation after making the elephants 

A few minutes later, 
God saw His children having an apple break 
and He was ticked ! 
'Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit ? ' 
God asked. 

'Uh huh,' 
Adam replied. 

'Then why did you ? ' 
said the Father. 

'I don't know,' 
said Eve. 
'She started it! ' 
Adam said. 

'Did not ! ' 
'Did too ! ' 
'DID NOT ! ' 

Having had it with the two of them, 
God's punishment was that Adam and Eve 
should have children of their own. 
Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed. 

If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, 
don't be hard on yourself. 

If God had trouble raising children, 
what makes you think it would be 
a piece of cake for you ? 

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT !

1. You spend the first two years of their life 
teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend 
the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up. 

2. Grandchildren are God's reward 
for not killing your own children. 

3. Mothers of teens now know why 
some animals eat their young. 

4. Children seldom misquote you. 
In fact, 
they usually repeat word for word 
what you shouldn't have said 

5. The main purpose of holding children's parties 
is to remind yourself that there are children 
more awful than your own 

6. We childproofed our homes, 
but they are still getting in. 

ADVICE FOR THEDAY: 

Be nice to your kids. 
They will choose your 
nursing home one day 

AND FINALLY: 

IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION 
AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, 
DO WHAT IT SAYS 
ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE: 

'TAKE TWO ASPIRIN' 
AND 'KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN'!!!!! 

Have a great Sunday!!

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Striving for peace

I am actually doing alot better even though my tooth hurts real bad today. I am kind of lazy today but i will eventually get things going.My husband now gets 6 hours a day instead of 4.  My brother in law has found a great job. He said he is going to stay with us until the place is paid off. We are going to make it. I know there are a million things that could go wrong but in my heart I know that we are going to make it. In the next twomonths we are going to get the taxes paid up on and get insurance on the house. We sat down and figured out that we can easliy do this financially. Then after 5 months have past, we are going to call legal aide and get this whole things figured out. At that time, she wont have anything to hold over our heads. She knows this will be paid off then.I know she does. This is wonderful and i can now take a breath. Everything will be ok for awhile. I know that it might not last but i can at least try to find some peace now. I am a worrier so  this will be hard.

I am going to go now and take a hot bath. I might do some straightening up today in my house. And then I am going to get a nice hot cup of hot chocolate and sit and read my next book. I am excited about that. Thank you all for listening to me. I hope that everyone is having a great weekend. Stay safe everyone.

Blessings

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Lily Dale

I read a book that I ended up being quite emotional about. It is called Lily Dale : The true story of the town that talks to the dead

Lily Dale is 60 miles south of Buffalo New York near inner state 90. It is a peaceful Victorian town. From the pictures I saw it is run down but still very beautiful .I call them little Ginger bread houses. The people there are very different but seem so accepting. It seems to be the place to go to eliminate the grief from trying to fit in. People seem to accept you for who you are. It is a very old town founded in 1879.

There are healers, spiritualists and physics who live there. I believe in such things sometimes. I know there are Charlatans out there who will do or say anything for money even if it means hurting someone. Whether these people are real or fake, they bring hope to others who are suffering. I don't know if I am a believer of psychics or healers etc. But I do believe in the power of the mind. This is why good attitude is important. I believe your mind is so powerful that it can heal. In some cases if you believe it to be true, then it becomes true.

I don't consider myself a true spiritualists but I do believe in the after life. I do believe in spirits. I have seen it for myself. I have been reading into it and I believe in some of it. I don't believe in tarot cards or runes or anything like that. But I do believe in herbal medicine and the power of the mind.

I have been reading alot about religions and things lately to keep my mind busy. It has been quite informative. My favorite is this book. It was well written and kept my attention.

Mae West visited the town in her day quite often. She went to see a medium there. Houdini went there often, they say. But he was a critic who went there to debunk them. Sir Arthur Conin Doyle visited there often. John Edwards did a speech there.

I am planning to visit there this summer.The town is within an hour or so from me.I love old historic towns. I have to admit that I am a bit curious to see what they do there. The town seems so peaceful and serine. I need some Peace in my life right now.

The book was really good. It was written in a skeptics tone. I enjoyed the stories and description of the town lost in time. It was very interesting. I thought I would share it with everyone. I hop everyone is having a safe and happy weekend.

Blessings to all

confused

I dont know what happened to my last entry. I know it was there because I have comments on it. BUt it isnt here. That's Aol for you.

Almost there!!!

I went in to take my second part of my pre GED test today. It was the one with Mathematics and literature which included an essay. I scored 720 on my literatature and a 520 on my mathematics. I needed to get a 410 to pass so I did better on math than I expected. Lorretta asked if i was ready to take my GED test right after I handed in my second half. I knew i must have scored good. When i heard my scores I was just ecstatic. I am going in to see her on wednesday morning to get help with some math while I am waiting to take the test. She is going to schedule me to take my GED test that day as well. She said that I could maybe get into college by January but I dont want to think about that yet. I am so proud of myself. Those words I dont say to myself often.

I got my test results back today from the doctor. Everything came out normal except for my SED levals. I am not sure exactly what that means but it has to do with my joints. He said it was a little high but nothing to worry about at this time. He has me scheduled fopr a pulmanary test to see if i might have asthma. He thinks that might be the cause of my labored breathing off and on. He said if so then he will give me some Albuteral and that should help. He said I have the go ahead to take my walks again. That maked me happy as pie.

I have to get supper started now. We have to eat early because we are going to my oldest son's football game. I am so proud of him. I dont get to see many games because of where we are. The away games are so far away. With gas prices so high (although I am glad they dropped here a bit) we cant really afford to go to away games. I am excited about tonight's game!! I hope he wins.

I hope everyone is well..Hugs to everyone. (((HUGS)))

 

Monkey on my back

May the mind of Christ, my Savior, live in me from day to day.
By His love and power controlling all I do and say.

May the word of God dwell richly in my heart from hour to hour.
So that all may see I triumph only through His pow'r.

May the peace of God my Father rule my life in ev'rything.
That I may be calm to comfort, sick and sorrowing.

Kate B. Wilkinson (1859-1928)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I call this feeling that I have The Monkey on my back. I was cleaning the trailer and decorating it. I really have it looking nice. I finally feel like it is home. This is a sad feeling for me. I don't know if I want to be so comfortable here. With my so called mortgage holder so unpredictable, I could lose it at any time.When I think of her i feel so intimidated.  She likes to make things hard. She will say that she is working with me. But in all reality she wants me to fail so that she can resale this place.She is waiting for something bad to happen to us so that we mess up one payment. She makes it impossible to get government help because she refuses to fill out the necessary paper work to get it paid. I have been paying her what she has wanted every month for almost a year now. We will own this place in 6 months. But she doesnt see it that way. She will try to take it from me. I am not a paranoid person but she is out to get me for sure. If I get too comfortable with my home and it gets taken for me(especailly after all the money I have been paying her and getting things for the house), I will be devastated. If I make myself believe that I dont like it here, maybe it wont hurt so bad when and if I have to leave. All my bills are all paid up on. She is the only worry that I have because she wants me out of here. I dont think she is thinking straight. This trailor and property has the value of 15,000. That is all. Most cars are worth more than that. Yet she is after it just to make more money for the second time. She did this before to someone else I am told. I just pray that everything works out for my family when it comes to our home. It isnt much but it is our home. Enough of that.

In spite of all those feelings, I am trying to keep my good attitude. If I find peace with myself , noone can take that from me not even the mortgage holder. That is what I need to find, that inner peace. Maybe I will stop worrying about her so much then.

I am sorry about all the rambling. I have uneasy feelings that are torture for me. I need to resolve these somehow. With God on my side, how could I lose? That is what I keep telling myself. If I knew what i was getting into I wouldnt feel this insecurity. If she would just work with me and tell me what I have to do to keep this and how much she thinks we owe, I would feel better. She refuses.

On a brighter note Here is a fun recipe that someone sent me.

MINUTE CHOCOLATE MUG CAKE

1  Coffee Mug
4  tablespoons flour(that's plain flour, not self-rising)
4   tablespoons sugar
2   tablespoons baking cocoa
1   egg
3  tablespoons milk
3  tablespoons oil
3  tablespoons chocolate chips  (optional)
Small splash of vanilla
 
Add dry  ingredients to mug, and mix well .  Add the egg and mix thoroughly.
Pour in  the milk and oil and mix well.
Add the chocolate chips (if using) and  vanilla, and mix again.
Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3  minutes at 1000 watts. might put on a plate just in case.   

        The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don't be  alarmed!    it will settle down
Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate if desired.
EAT! (this can serve 2 if you want to share!)

 

And why is this the most dangerous  cake recipe in the world?  Because now we are all only 5 minutes away from  chocolate cake at any time of the day or night!

God Bless

 

 

 

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Feeling kind of down

I guess I am not as depressed as I am not sure how to feel today. The week has been so hard. I have been trying to keep a good attitude. That takes alot of energy in the face of hardship. I am the only one up and I have a tendency to have racing thoughts. I try to only let the good thoughts in. It works sometimes and sometimes it doesn't. But I keep on going any ways. Last night I felt so sick. I ached all over and I felt very sick to my stomach. I think it might be nerves. My face is so greasy that I cant stand it. I wash it 500 times and it still feels this way. I know I am not pregnant (thank goodness) because my tubes are tied. Not to mention my husband and I haven't done anything in the past month or so. (info no one wants to know lol )

On a bright note My J-land friend Linda(Linda's world) package with alot of nice Avon things in it. That was the nicest thing that anyone has done for me in awhile. It certainly put a smile on my face. It really felt good to have someone think of me and my family. It was really sweet of her. Thank you Linda.

My life is so very upside down right now. It has been a very scary road. I try not to think of what could happen. That is where my racing thoughts come in. "What if the car breaks down? What if my husband loses his job? What if...?" I have to stop this and take things as they come. I try to prepare for the worst because I know it happens. I know all too well that life is hard.

My husband and I are having problems. I love him but he just isn't on the same page as me. He doesn't see the pending dangers of our situation. I cant leave him right now because he is the only one with the money coming in. He doesn't have the motivation that I have to keep things going. I feel as if I am in this on my own. It is a lonely feeling. I don't have any friend (other than my online friends) That is partially my fault. When my sister was alive, I didn't need any friends. She was the only friend I needed. I had friends before who have hurt me so I chose not have any friends but her. Now that she is gone, I live in a lonely world. I miss her so much. With the anniversary of her death approaching, I miss her more and more. She passed away October 20th. That is going to be a hard day for me especially since i live in the trailer that she passed away in. She is still alive in God's Grace and I know that I will see her again someday when it is time for me to join her.

Today will be like any other day. The same old same old worries. I am looking forward to the change that I am working for. I am not good with change but i need it desperately. I want to feel needed. I want to feel as if I am accomplishing something for someone. If that makes sense to anyone. I know the kids need me to be successful. I will do this no matter the obstacle. I guess I will start my day. Who knows what awaits me...

God Bless

Just for fun

I hope that I dont offend anyone. It's just for fun.

Looks alot like

 

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I am so proud of myself!!

I went to take my pre GED test this morning. I rolled myself out of bed and went to take it. I took the reading, science and social studies part of the test. Lorretta my instructor was very impressed with the out come. I had to score 420 in each subject. Reading I scored a 720, science I scored a 620, social studies I scored a 600. I had one wrong in readong and science and two wrong in social studies. Lorretta said to me, " when do you want to take the GED?" I told her to wait to say that until after the math part lol.That is where i struggle. But I will do it. I go back in monday morning to finish. I have study books in math to try to get a handle on it before then. I will be studying all weekend althoug I HATE Math. I also have to take the english part of it and the writing part of it. I should really brush up on my english too. Not much though.

I am going to take some time out to search for a part time job awhile. I need something to keep my going until i get through school. I cant really afford college right now so it will take me some time to apply for loans. I hope that I can do it. I really want to go. I shouldnt say I hope I will do it. I should say that I WILL do. I will find a way.

I am going to go to ny son's football game in the evening on monday and I have an open house to go to for my daughter on tuesday. I enrolled my youngest son in a headstart program. Hopefull he will get in. He needs to be around kids his own age. He has a hard time playing right with kids. His speech isnt the greatest either.

Thank you all for all your support. I really appreciate all the support and prayers.

 

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Quest for happiness

I now have a quest for happiness for me and my family. I am so tired of living in the edge like this. I know things cant be solved right away and that it takes some time. There are steps that I have to take. Taking my GED is the first step. I really want to be able to provide for my family better. I dont know what I want to do yet which is a shame being that I am 38 years old. But I know I have to do something and it has to be something that I like doing. I am thinking maybe nursing. I love taking care of people. It runs in my family. But taking this GED has to be my first big step. I was in a bad marriage for 10 years. He wouldnt let me go out and better myself. It isnt like he told me not to but he made it impossible for me to do it. He kept my confidence down by treating me so bad. I know that part of it is my fault because I should have left sooner. Why I didnt is a mystery to me. I cant go back in time so I have to get my life on track now. It is hard sometime. I ALWAYS have obstacles in my way. Especially since i think I am just about at rock bottom. It is either sink or swim for me. I choose to swim. No matter what happens, I will accomplish this. I have to for my sake and children's sake.  I dont always have such a good attitude like this. I take it one day at a time or at least I try to. I had such a bad panic attack last night because i just let my thoughts race. I try to tell myself that at the moment everything is ok. I will deal with things as they come. I have to do it that way or I will go insane. I keep thinking,"Things will be better someday." God is on my side. How can I lose??

I slept in late today. I felt bad about it but it was so cold this morning. I hate the cold. Tomorrow I have to get up and take that preGED test. I hope that I do well. After i pass that test I can go on with my next step. I am so excited about that. In the meantime I may opt to do some community service at the nursing home. It will help boost my confidence and help others at the same time.

I am going to close this entry before i write a book. My thoughts are racing right now. Hope everyone is doing good. Thank you all for your kind comments and advice. I value everyone's opionion even if it isnt what I exactly want to hear. lol.. Sometimes i need to hear the truth.

 

 

Hanging in there

 

Things have been about the same around here except I have kept my attitude pretty optimistic lately. I have been doing spring cleaning the last couple of days even though it is fall. I have been going through my things because of moving into the smaller trailor next door. We have a heating source now. I just have to get it hooked up. I have a woodstove which is good for living out in the woods like I do. All I need is the piping to put it into the wall. We are putting it in the addition between the two trailors because it is safer than having it in the trailor. It is a very big wood stove so it should heat the trailor nice. I have been trying to get the kids to give up some of thier toys that they dont play with. They are everywhere. They drag them out and let them sit. I really wish they would cooperate with me when it comes to that.

I went to the doctor yesterday because of my breathing. He sent me to get an EKG and some xrays. He also had me scheduled today for a few blood tests. I hated them because i had to go 16 hours without eating. That was horroble for me. I have bad heart burn and not eating something very small every once and a while makes it worse. I have an appointment next week to go over the results. Then if everything is ok , he will go on to the next thing it could be or if he find something wrong we can get it under control. He thinks it is just stress which I agree totally. But I want to be sure.

The last couple of days I have been doing workbooks to get ready for my GED. I have been going over math applications. I just need to be refreshed with some of the things like percentages and algebra and fractions. Once I star doing them . I remmebr what I am doing. I am going to take the fist half of the pre GED test on friday. The lady there thinks that I will do great. She thinks that I will be ready to take the GED test right away without having to do classes. I hope so. I feel like I have waited enough. After that I take my next step. I am hoping to go to college at least an online one but I am taking one thing at a time. I am not very good at taking things in steps. I always want to get everything done at one time. lol That is probably where some of my stress is coming in.

Things about the house have not changed. The lady who is owner financing to us is really trying to mess us over. Apparently she can get away with it right now because I am behind on taxes. This means I have broken contract. I guess I have to play it by her rules for now. But her time will come. I only owe less than 5,000 and she is saying more like 10,000. I just want to cry. I want to get this paid for and on with my life. I am tired of worrying all the time. I dont know how much i can take of it. She is just waiting for me to mess up so she can sell this from underneath me. I dont trust her at all. She is very bitter and mean. I wish my sister would have just kept up with  things like she said she was. I was giving my sister money and she wasnt paying the payments. Well it is water under the bridge now. Nothing I can do about it now. I just have to trust in the Lord to see me through. It does make me very unsettling to not know what is going on though. I would rather be going through a bank right now.

The kids are doing well. I havent had time to spend with them lately because of studying so this evening we are going to the park for an hour to play. I am really looking forward to spending time with them.

My oldest son and I still havent patched things up. We just dont talk anymore. I dont like that very much. I wish me and him could be like we used to be. I have tried everything but he always get mad when i try to talk to him or spend time with him. All he cares about is his girlfriend right now. She is a very nice girl but I feel she has come between us. I hope to work this out soon.

I hope everything is going well for everyone. I havent had a chance to really read everyone's journals. I will take the time soon. Everyone is in my prayers.

 

 

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Fibro is really acting up

Hello everyone. My attitude hasnt been all that bad but my fibro is really acting up. Yesterday I went grocery shopping. I couldnt put it off anymore because we didnt have any food in the house. It was very painful to just get in and out of the car let alone the shopping itself. Everyone of my joints feel like they are on fire. I have been having bad chest pains as well. I was crying last night because everything hurt so bad. This is very unsual because i dont usually have pain unless the weather is bad or it is very cold outside. I dont know why it has been acting up . I hate going to the doctor for it because they never do anything about it. They just tell me that my insurance doesnt cover the fibro medicine that there isnt anything that they can do for me. I cant even write or type without being in pain. When I walk it hurts real bad. Sometimes I get shooting pain in the joints. I am going to try to get help from the doctor but i doubt it.

I went through my sister and my records for this house. It seems as if I am only 5 months behind. She is trying to mess me over alot of money. Plus she said that she could charge interest on the entire late amount every month. The mortgage says different. It says ony the monthly payment can be charged interest. She says we owe more than what we do. She has been argueing about it to me. I have had enough and I am going to call legal aide very soon. This is insane. She has got to stop. I just want this things over with and you would think that she would want it over with too. I am not leaving this house sit when i only owe about 5,000 or less on this. NOWAY!!! Not without a fight anyways.

Well I am going to go lay down for a bit. I am in so much pain. I hope everyone is doing well. Thank you for all your kind comments and advice. I have been reading everyone's journal but I have not been able to comment because it hurts to type. It took alot just to type in my journal. I hope everyone has a safe weekend.

 

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promising day

I got up this morning and felt good because i knew I had a purpose for the day. I had an appointment to speak to a lady about obtaining my GED. I took a pretest and she said I did wonderfully. This is my first step to my new life. Forst I pass that GED and then I go on from there. Nothing is going to stop me. I am on a mission to make my life more meaningful. I want my children to see a mother who doesnt give up and who wants to better herself. I want them to grow up and say "my mother did it then so can I". I want my children to be proud of me and of what I have accomplished. I want to raise my own self confidence. I want a life with friends and a career. I know I cant get it over night. But I took the first step today. It was hard for me to do. I had panic attacks about it all morning. But i made myself go and I am so proud of myself for it. I am going in again monday for some brushup studying and then soon after I will be taking my GED and passing!! Nothing is going to stop me from achieving my goal.

More good news to tell. My case worker called and said that she made a mistake. I have my insurance back!! I can get the mental health help I need to handle my stress and social anxiety.

On  bad note, I am so afraid that something bad is going to happen. Usually when something good happens, something bad happens. This has happened to me so many time. I pray that this isnt the case this time.

As far as my housing problem goes, nothing has changed. Ruth (the mortgage holder) has been calling me asking my questions like: "If you pay me how are you going to pay your other bill? Maybe you should leave. " Correct me if I am wrong. Is that really any of her business?? If her end is getting paid, how I pay my other bills really shouldnt be her concern. She is a gem I tell you.

Well I am going to spend some time with my children today. I am going to tell them about my good day with my GED stuff. I am going to sit and read to them. I am going to enjoy thier company and the blessings I have with them.No matter what happens I have them and that is what is important in my life.

God,

Please keep me on the right track for my children's sake. Keep me strong and vigilent. Help me to keep my eye on the future. Help me to make the right decisions. Please be there for Ruth. She is a bitter woman who needs you. Please help her to keep well. Please be with the troops in Iraq. Keep them safe.

Amen

 

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my wonderful little girl

Reading another journal had made me think of what my little girl did for me yesterday. We went to  the local fair just to walk around and get our minds off of things. There was a stand with used items that people were selling on a donation basis to help the church. It was at the end of the day so they were selling things a dollar for a box. My 10 year old daughter Emily saw an apron and some cake pans shaped like houses. She thought we could bake together. There was a real sweet lady there who helped Emily pick some things out for her box. Emily threw in a box with a pin in it of roses. She didnt let me know. She took it home and wrapped it up the best she could with regular paper and gave it to me. She said "Mom this is for you. I hope it mkaes you feel better" It made me cry. What a wonderful little girl I have!! What a blessing she is!! No matter what heppens in my life, I have her.

I have so many phone calls to make today. My stomach is turning. It is time for me to get my second wind and get things moving. I have children relying on me to get this done. I am going to say a prayer and get going. I will let everyone know how the phone calls went. I hope I get somewhere with them. Even if it is a little step in the right direction, i need some kind of hope today.

God,

PLease give me the strenght to make the phone calls I need to make today. Thank you for the blessings of my children. Help us keep our loving family together.

Amen.

I hope everyone is doing well. I will keep you in my prayers.

God Bless

found another home for my dogs

Another one of my babies is going to a new home today. This is tearing me up inside. I am glad that she is going to a loving home though. I cant take care of her anymore. I am so emotionally spent. I can barely take care of my children.

I woke up today without crying. That was an accomplishment for me. I kept string until a few minutes ago and then I started crying again. This has been a nightmare. I know I will get through it. I just have to keep myself going. I am going to allow myself today to just cry and rest. Today there isnt any government offices open for me to call. Tomorrow I have to get my emotions into gear and get calls made. I need progress. My children are relying on me to either fix this or find another home. I can do this but not today. : (

God,

Please give me the strength and wisdom that I need to do what has to be done for my family. Please help me to keep our loving family together.  

Amen