May the mind of Christ, my Savior, live in me from day to day.
By His love and power controlling all I do and say.
May the word of God dwell richly in my heart from hour to hour.
So that all may see I triumph only through His pow'r.
May the peace of God my Father rule my life in ev'rything.
That I may be calm to comfort, sick and sorrowing.
I call this feeling that I have The Monkey on my back. I was cleaning the trailer and decorating it. I really have it looking nice. I finally feel like it is home. This is a sad feeling for me. I don't know if I want to be so comfortable here. With my so called mortgage holder so unpredictable, I could lose it at any time.When I think of her i feel so intimidated. She likes to make things hard. She will say that she is working with me. But in all reality she wants me to fail so that she can resale this place.She is waiting for something bad to happen to us so that we mess up one payment. She makes it impossible to get government help because she refuses to fill out the necessary paper work to get it paid. I have been paying her what she has wanted every month for almost a year now. We will own this place in 6 months. But she doesnt see it that way. She will try to take it from me. I am not a paranoid person but she is out to get me for sure. If I get too comfortable with my home and it gets taken for me(especailly after all the money I have been paying her and getting things for the house), I will be devastated. If I make myself believe that I dont like it here, maybe it wont hurt so bad when and if I have to leave. All my bills are all paid up on. She is the only worry that I have because she wants me out of here. I dont think she is thinking straight. This trailor and property has the value of 15,000. That is all. Most cars are worth more than that. Yet she is after it just to make more money for the second time. She did this before to someone else I am told. I just pray that everything works out for my family when it comes to our home. It isnt much but it is our home. Enough of that.
In spite of all those feelings, I am trying to keep my good attitude. If I find peace with myself , noone can take that from me not even the mortgage holder. That is what I need to find, that inner peace. Maybe I will stop worrying about her so much then.
I am sorry about all the rambling. I have uneasy feelings that are torture for me. I need to resolve these somehow. With God on my side, how could I lose? That is what I keep telling myself. If I knew what i was getting into I wouldnt feel this insecurity. If she would just work with me and tell me what I have to do to keep this and how much she thinks we owe, I would feel better. She refuses.
On a brighter note Here is a fun recipe that someone sent me.
MINUTE CHOCOLATE MUG CAKE
1 Coffee Mug
4 tablespoons flour(that's plain flour, not self-rising)
4 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons baking cocoa
3 tablespoons milk
3 tablespoons oil
3 tablespoons chocolate chips (optional)
Small splash of vanilla
Add dry ingredients to mug, and mix well . Add the egg and mix thoroughly.
Pour in the milk and oil and mix well.
Add the chocolate chips (if using) and vanilla, and mix again.
Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3 minutes at 1000 watts. might put on a plate just in case.
The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don't be alarmed! it will settle down
Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate if desired.
EAT! (this can serve 2 if you want to share!)
And why is this the most dangerous cake recipe in the world? Because now we are all only 5 minutes away from chocolate cake at any time of the day or night!