Saturday, September 13, 2008

Monkey on my back

May the mind of Christ, my Savior, live in me from day to day.
By His love and power controlling all I do and say.

May the word of God dwell richly in my heart from hour to hour.
So that all may see I triumph only through His pow'r.

May the peace of God my Father rule my life in ev'rything.
That I may be calm to comfort, sick and sorrowing.

Kate B. Wilkinson (1859-1928)

I call this feeling that I have The Monkey on my back. I was cleaning the trailer and decorating it. I really have it looking nice. I finally feel like it is home. This is a sad feeling for me. I don't know if I want to be so comfortable here. With my so called mortgage holder so unpredictable, I could lose it at any time.When I think of her i feel so intimidated.  She likes to make things hard. She will say that she is working with me. But in all reality she wants me to fail so that she can resale this place.She is waiting for something bad to happen to us so that we mess up one payment. She makes it impossible to get government help because she refuses to fill out the necessary paper work to get it paid. I have been paying her what she has wanted every month for almost a year now. We will own this place in 6 months. But she doesnt see it that way. She will try to take it from me. I am not a paranoid person but she is out to get me for sure. If I get too comfortable with my home and it gets taken for me(especailly after all the money I have been paying her and getting things for the house), I will be devastated. If I make myself believe that I dont like it here, maybe it wont hurt so bad when and if I have to leave. All my bills are all paid up on. She is the only worry that I have because she wants me out of here. I dont think she is thinking straight. This trailor and property has the value of 15,000. That is all. Most cars are worth more than that. Yet she is after it just to make more money for the second time. She did this before to someone else I am told. I just pray that everything works out for my family when it comes to our home. It isnt much but it is our home. Enough of that.

In spite of all those feelings, I am trying to keep my good attitude. If I find peace with myself , noone can take that from me not even the mortgage holder. That is what I need to find, that inner peace. Maybe I will stop worrying about her so much then.

I am sorry about all the rambling. I have uneasy feelings that are torture for me. I need to resolve these somehow. With God on my side, how could I lose? That is what I keep telling myself. If I knew what i was getting into I wouldnt feel this insecurity. If she would just work with me and tell me what I have to do to keep this and how much she thinks we owe, I would feel better. She refuses.

On a brighter note Here is a fun recipe that someone sent me.


1  Coffee Mug
4  tablespoons flour(that's plain flour, not self-rising)
4   tablespoons sugar
2   tablespoons baking cocoa
1   egg
3  tablespoons milk
3  tablespoons oil
3  tablespoons chocolate chips  (optional)
Small splash of vanilla
Add dry  ingredients to mug, and mix well .  Add the egg and mix thoroughly.
Pour in  the milk and oil and mix well.
Add the chocolate chips (if using) and  vanilla, and mix again.
Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3  minutes at 1000 watts. might put on a plate just in case.   

        The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don't be  alarmed!    it will settle down
Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate if desired.
EAT! (this can serve 2 if you want to share!)


And why is this the most dangerous  cake recipe in the world?  Because now we are all only 5 minutes away from  chocolate cake at any time of the day or night!

God Bless





bojgill4375 said...

Praying for the landlady!! Oh Christine!  You didn't!!  lol You just gave me a recipe that I can make chocolate cake in 5 mintues!!  lol  I keep little Debbie and cakes around for Gary because I do not like them! Ugh! Now I have a 5 minute recipe that will make hot chocolate cake! hehehe  I love hot chocolate cake without frosting!  lol  Thank you for sharing and I will have to write it down and try it out when the snow is flying. Hugs, Janie

shrbrisc said...

girl there is legal action that can be done , email me if you need further assistance on this don't let this bother you .
you are doing so great keep it up

fieldpixie272 said...

Hey that recipe looks cute, I bet my little chef daughter will love it!

Look, yes your life is precarious right now with that crazy lady, but let me tell you a secret about crazy ladies:  They like drama.  She will NOT take your home and throw you out because then who will she call and torment and whine and bug to?
She cant lose her audience, which is you.  

Have you collected up your receipts? You need to keep immaculate records.  If you can prove you have paid, why are you so worried?  You need to tell HER how much you owe, and show her with your receipts and on paper.

It occurs to me that maybe you really cant prove you have paid anything?  No receipts?  If this is the case, release yourself from this worry right this minute.  There is nothing you will be able to do to keep this home if you have no receipts so you need to just release it, and give this worry to God.  Let it go.  Your life will go on, and your kids will be fine and you will be fine, you will find something else, if you lose this home.  This home is a THING.  It is not a person.  You will not lose a LIFE in losing this home.  Keep some perspective here, you are more important than, this HOUSE.  

You are improving your life, one moment to the next, you have taken some pre GED classes.  You will take more soon.  You will pass them all.  You will take your GED.  You will pass it.  You will get a part time job where you work while your kids are in school.  You will be promoted within this job.  You WILL be able to afford to either appease this woman, or pay off your home.  OR you will be able to get a new home.  A home is the roof over your head and it does not matter if this roof is something you own, or something you rent, or something you rent to own.

Its not where you ARE in life, thats important, its where you are going, and I know you are go

fieldpixie272 said...

oops I was cut off, I guess I am too long winded!!!  What I meant to say is this, it only matters where you are going, and I know you're going in the right direction!