I have spent the last couple of days very sick. I have a 101.5 fever most of the day yesterday. I hurt all over. I ended up getting what the kids had. Cant say they don't share. lol... This was one nasty virus. I am still sick. The kids got over it alot easier than me. I feel old..
I am trying so hard to keep a good attitude. Everyday it is something new going on. I am so afraid to be comfortable in my house because I am afraid that i will lose it. I will be more broken hearted if i was comfortable here. I am always afraid to be happy in fear that it will be all taken from me. Now I have a new worry. Apparently my sister had alot of unpaid debts. They are saying that they can take my house away from me. I was told because the trailers were in my mane as well that it cant go into probate so there is nothing to worry about. This did not come from a lawyer so I have no clue what they can or can not do. I am so tired of everything. I have no where to go if I lose this house. This has been a never ending struggle. We have put so much money in this house the last few months trying to catch up on mortgage and get things on track. As soon as I feel relieved that things are under control, everything flies out of have again. I fight depression as it is so things have been really challenging. I have been trying to keep my chin up even though things keep going wrong. I know some people have it way worse than me. I should be thankful for what i do have.
My 10 year old daughter had received a paper from school saying that her grades are failing. She keeps failing to finish assignments. She is not very organized. My 16 year old son just received a detention for acting up in class. I tried to talk to him and he said that he just doesn't care. He said that i should stick up for him and that he didn't do it. I have a hard time believing him. I don't know what I am doing anymore. I have been so rapped up in trying to hold on to this house that I have ignored the needs of my children. This has been a rough ride. I just want my children to have a roof over their heads. This has been a fight in itself.
I need peace. I have been trying to hard to find it. I have been unsuccessful. I have been told that if i was a true Christian that I would have peace in my life no matter what. What I am doing wrong?? I just cant seem to find it. Is it out of my reach?? What is my purpose in life?? These are questions I ask myself all the time.
I can do this. I can hold this together. I need to stop worrying. Easier said then done but i will give it my best. I hope everyone is having a wonderful week.
Blessings to all