Thursday, September 25, 2008

noone said life was easy

I have spent the last couple of days very sick. I have a 101.5 fever most of the day yesterday. I hurt all over. I ended up getting what the kids had. Cant say they don't share. lol... This was one nasty virus. I am still sick. The kids got over it alot easier than me. I feel old..

I am trying so hard to keep a good attitude. Everyday it is something new going on. I am so afraid to be comfortable in my house because I am afraid that i will lose it. I will be more broken hearted if i was comfortable here. I am always afraid to be happy in fear that it will be all taken from me. Now I have a new worry. Apparently my sister had alot of unpaid debts. They are saying that they can take my house away from me. I was told because the trailers were in my mane as well that it cant go into probate so there is nothing to worry about. This did not come from a lawyer so I have no clue what they can or can not do. I am so tired of everything. I have no where to go if I lose this house. This has been a never ending struggle. We have put so much money in this house the last few months trying to catch up on mortgage and get things on track. As soon as I feel relieved that things are under control, everything flies out of have again. I fight depression as it is so things have been really challenging. I have been trying to keep my chin up even though things keep going wrong. I know some people have it way worse than me. I should be thankful for what i do have.

My 10 year old daughter had received a paper from school saying that her grades are failing. She keeps failing to finish assignments. She is not very organized. My 16 year old son just received a detention for acting up in class. I tried to talk to him and he said that he just doesn't care. He said that i should stick up for him and that he didn't do it. I have a hard time believing him. I don't know what I am doing anymore. I have been so rapped up in trying to hold on to this house that I have ignored the needs of my children. This has been a rough ride. I just want my children to have a roof over their heads. This has been a fight in itself.

I need peace. I have been trying to hard to find it. I have been unsuccessful. I have been told that if i was a true Christian that I would have peace in my life no matter what. What I am doing wrong?? I just cant seem to find it. Is it out of my reach?? What is my purpose in life?? These are questions I ask myself all the time.

I can do this. I can hold this together. I need to stop worrying. Easier said then done but i will give it my best. I hope everyone is having a wonderful week.

Blessings to all

 

5 comments:

luvrte66 said...

Christine, it sounds like a rough day, but tomorrow is a new one. Hang in there, hon.

Hugs, Beth

dbdacoba said...

Christine, I know very well the feeling of not wanting to feel happy because something bad will happen if you do, like a punishment for feeling good about things.  But they don't go together.  You have a right to enjoy what's good even in the face of trouble.  And if you give more value to your enjoyment and cut down on the worrying, you make a happier environment, you make room for more good.   D

fieldpixie272 said...

my comment is too long, will send it to you in an email..... :-)

salemslot9 said...

I don't know
how much your
children know
but, they are children
not adults
so, in my opinion
they don't need to know
all the details
I feel your husband
is there financially
but, maybe not emotionally
just an observation
it's hard to have it all
don't  give up!

bojgill4375 said...

So sorry, will keep you in my prayers. Believe me... you are still young. lol Chistine who told you that you would have peace in your life if you were a Christian? No one should tell someone that. Why would they judge you? We are all wired different and God deals with each of us different. What someone else can do may not be what you can do right now. You are still growing as a Christian. It takes a long time to be able to do certain things. Just pray about it. Just know that God is in control. Don't take to heart some things that some people say that hurt.  Someone is trying to help you but just don't realize how it sounded to you.  Don't put yourself down.  Will keep you in my prayers.  Hugs, Janie