I now have a quest for happiness for me and my family. I am so tired of living in the edge like this. I know things cant be solved right away and that it takes some time. There are steps that I have to take. Taking my GED is the first step. I really want to be able to provide for my family better. I dont know what I want to do yet which is a shame being that I am 38 years old. But I know I have to do something and it has to be something that I like doing. I am thinking maybe nursing. I love taking care of people. It runs in my family. But taking this GED has to be my first big step. I was in a bad marriage for 10 years. He wouldnt let me go out and better myself. It isnt like he told me not to but he made it impossible for me to do it. He kept my confidence down by treating me so bad. I know that part of it is my fault because I should have left sooner. Why I didnt is a mystery to me. I cant go back in time so I have to get my life on track now. It is hard sometime. I ALWAYS have obstacles in my way. Especially since i think I am just about at rock bottom. It is either sink or swim for me. I choose to swim. No matter what happens, I will accomplish this. I have to for my sake and children's sake. I dont always have such a good attitude like this. I take it one day at a time or at least I try to. I had such a bad panic attack last night because i just let my thoughts race. I try to tell myself that at the moment everything is ok. I will deal with things as they come. I have to do it that way or I will go insane. I keep thinking,"Things will be better someday." God is on my side. How can I lose??
I slept in late today. I felt bad about it but it was so cold this morning. I hate the cold. Tomorrow I have to get up and take that preGED test. I hope that I do well. After i pass that test I can go on with my next step. I am so excited about that. In the meantime I may opt to do some community service at the nursing home. It will help boost my confidence and help others at the same time.
I am going to close this entry before i write a book. My thoughts are racing right now. Hope everyone is doing good. Thank you all for your kind comments and advice. I value everyone's opionion even if it isnt what I exactly want to hear. lol.. Sometimes i need to hear the truth.