Thursday, October 16, 2008

broke down last night

Last night I just couldnt take it anymore. I was doing so good lately with my attitude but I really think I had a small nervous break down last night. I still dont have hot water. My house looks like a tornado blew through it and i just cleaned it yesterday. I am tired emotionally and worn out physically. I cant sleep at night because of worry. Last night i sat down on the floor in the kitchen and just cried for an hour. My kids saw this and I feel so ashamed of myself. My youngest son came over to me and hugged me and said I love you mommy. My daughter kept asking me if i was ok. If my mother found out about this she will say that I should have never done that in front of my kids. I am not a robot. I have feelings and frustrations. Why cant my children see that?I wasnt screaming or throwing things around. I just queitly cried. I guess I have just had enough. I was even wondering if life was worth living until my little ones came over and gave me a hug. I need to stay here for them. They need me. I am letting them down. No hot water and no security when it comes to our place to live. My mother has offered to take the little two in her home. They would have better lives because my mother has lots of money. They would hurt for nothing. I dont want to split my family up. I would miss my children. They would be five hours away. My mother would never give them back. She did that to my oldest daughter when I was going through a divorce. I didnt have anywhere to go because my husband owned the house we were living in. My mom offered to take my daughter in her home until I had worked things out and found myself somewhere to go. When i did find somewhere to go that was suitbale, she had already went behind my back and had gotten temperary custody and refused to return her to me. Enough complaining. I have to get some cleaning done and heat up some water for a bath which takes forever. God Bless


Beth said...

I'm sorry to hear it was such a bad night, Christine. You'll pick yourself up and move on, I know it.

{{Hugs}} Beth

Monica said...

It sounds like you have a lot of stress in your life right now and breaking down and crying is perfectly okay. I've been in a situation like that, where I felt paralized with the depression, stress and I ended up just sitting and crying. I'll be thinking postive thoughts for you.

BTW, I saw your link over at Linda's in WA - she's almost a neighbor of mine.


Nancy said...

its ok to cry, but only for a few minutes.
Now I want to ask you, why on earth does your house look like a tornado just blew through it if you just cleaned it? who is messing it up that badly? Whoever it is needs to be kindly led through the house with a box picking up their things every single day, its their job as a family member to help keep things nice.