Friday, August 15, 2008

Racing thoughts


Above is a picture that my youngest daughter made for me on the computer. She makes me smile no matter what is going on in my life. She is so precious to me.

I have had an ok day today. I read most of the day. I tried to keep my mind bust so as not to think about everything is going wrong right now in my life. I have been preoccupied with my oldest son, Carl, lately. Yesterday I was able to hav a five minute conversation with him when he had gotten back from football practice. He helped me to finish supper (I think mostly because he was starving). While he did that I got to talk to him about football for a minute or two. It was nice to have my son back if only for five minutes. Today he has not talked to me at all. Tomorrow we are planning to go on a barbecue just with me and the kids. I think this will be good for us to spend the time together.

I have been so stressed out thinking about financial problems trying to figure out hoe to keep bills paid and keep some emergency money in the bank. This seems like a impossible feat. I want the money in the bank in case of an emergency such as the car breaking down or someone getting sick. I thought it was a smart thing to do but it is getting so hard to keep it there. We are somewhat behind in bill but not real bad. The big one is the mortgage. We are about 7 months behind. If we miss a payment, I wont have a place to live anymore. It is supposed to paid off by now. I just cant catch a break. We are hanging on by a thread. While that si gong on I have my son to worry about. Plus two other younger kids and one in college to deal with. My oldest daughter is pretty much independant. She is doing a wonderful job and I am so proud of her. She has been making all the right decisions. Her and I have not been getting alone very well mostly having to do with my mother making her feel as if she is above me. She says things like " You better finsih college !! You dont want to end up like your mother!!" I want her to be better than me and live better but I just dont think it is appropriate to say things like that to my daughter about me. Especially since she is my mother. My mother didnt go to college until her 40's. I dont know why she is downing me right now. Enough of the rambling. I get started and cant stop. lol.

My younger two are great kids. My daughter is a bit of a nervous kid. She always has to know where her little brother and i am and if we are ok. I think that has to do with the fact that my sister had passed away. I just wish she would calm down some. But I am a very nervous person too.

I just keep myself going. I try to think of the good things in my life at least once a day. I still have a roof over my head and we arent starving. I am thankful for that. I pray that things get better for us soon. But I do realize that I have to make it that way myself. God will be with me every step of the way. I will be ok. Thank you all for listening. I am going to try to take the time to read journals tomorrow. I am so far behind!! God bless you all and stay safe.



bojgill4375 said...

Kids are a gift from God. So sweet when little. :-) Time is precious and that is what kids remember the most... time that their parents spent with them. Your mother may never change. Only the Lord can change some people. Pray for her. My little grand-daughter is nervous and I was also very nervous when I was growing up. My daughter is kind of in the same way as you.  She told me the other day she was just thankful that she had a roof over her head, the kids are healthy, and she is not going to worry about the rest of it.  Sometimes we have to do this. Many times I feel like the Lord is trying to teach us to lean on nothing but HIM !!! When we trust Him for everything things seem much more simple. All of you are in my prayers. Hugs, Janie

fieldpixie272 said...

I agree your mom should not say those things to your daughter.  Try to ignore that, you really cant control what anyone thinks about you.   In the long run while a college education is important its not the end all be all of a good life.  I know college graduates who are miserable with their lives.  You have to find the happiness in whatever life you got going on you know.

shrbrisc said...

god bless you to honey

barbpinion said...

Take it a moment at a time, hon, one step at a time, always reminding yourself that Jesus is right beside you. Things will be okay as long as HE is where we are.
Hugs, love and prayers too,

salemslot9 said...

I really like that picture

itsjustme45j said...

Sweetie, 7 months behind is damn scary. Forget the emergency fund, your mortgage is the emergency fund. I hear you with the financial problems. I have my own, with credit card debt. I owe almost on them as I do my house. I obsess about money constantly. I can't think or deal with anything but how am I going to survive. Yet, with all my obsessing I'm still in the same place I was a year ago. I can't seem to figure a way out. So I skim the edge of life thinking I will win the lottery some day (I really should start buring tickets!).

Is anyone working with you from your mortgage company?

dbdacoba said...

If your mother is ashamed of her own daughter then she should look to herself for a reason and not bad mouth you to your daughter.  Your a loving person, but it seems not enough love is coming back.  That's a problem many face.  I do.

Hang in there and keep walking.  Some day you'll be a grandmother and you will know how to talk to your grandchildren.