I am sorry that I have not been commenting on journals the last few days. Friday I ended up getting very sick. They put me on Zolft and that made my anxiety fifty times worse. Friday evening I had an attack where I couldn't breath and I was shaking all over. I felt very dizzy. I couldn't even go to the bathroom without my husband's assistance. I spent the whole weekend in bed crying off and on and having severe attacks. I wake up in the middle of the night sweating and shaking and having problems breathing. I went to see a Psychiatrist on Tuesday. He took me off of zolft for now but he says that these attacks aren't from that medicine. He put me on atavan. This medicine is supposed to calm me down some. It doesn't really work all that well. I still woke up last night shaking and sweating all night long. I had to make myself get up today and write in my journal. I am sitting here shaking as I type. I am so scared of what is wrong with me. I have never been this stressed out before. I am trying so hard to pull myself together. I feel guilty because I am like this. My mom says to me that I need to just brush it off and go on. I am having a difficult time doing that. I really miss reading all of your journals and I hope that I am feeling better soon.
The family that messed me over with the house, sold the car that I had given them . They are actually complaining around town that I had given them a lemon. I gave them this car for FREE. They are something else!! My brother in law saw him hitch hiking his way up here yesterday. He warned me about it. I was so scared he was coming here to start trouble. I really don't need that right now. I feel as if i am a step away from the mental hospital as it is.
My husband still has not found a job. he is trying very hard though. Everyday, he is looking. We are still tossing around the idea of leaving this place and going to a shelter downstate. That is a very scary thing to do. I may lose my children that way. I can't live without my children!! That is my worst fear!!
On a better note, Chewy has been doing lot better. His hair has grown back very nicely and he has put on some weight. He listens very well. He has been a wonderful companion through it all. It saddens me that I may have to give them up if I have to move. They are wonderful family companions. Plus my son would be hurt if he had to give up his dog. He really loves him and I just don't want to hurt him that way. My son has come a long way since we moved here. He used to get into trouble all the time until we moved here. Now he has good grades and has been so much better. I am afraid if we move back down there , he will get into trouble again. He really doesn't want to leave here. He has friends here unlike he did downstate.
I don't know what to do anymore. I am afraid that I will make the wrong decision because I am not mentally well. I am afraid that I will have to go into the hospital because of my anxiety. I feel as if I am a weak person because i cant pull it together anymore. I am trying so hard.
I am going to go lay down now for a bit. I am so sorry that I don't have better things to say. I wish I did. I hope everyone is doing well. Stay safe.