a wrench in the works

I loved this picture and decided to share it. It is very calming for me. I stated out having an ok day. I was getting things cleaned and caught up with most of my laundry. Then the phone call came. It was my case worker calling me to let me know that I wont be getting that much food stamps and worst of all my medical is getting dropped. Thank goodness the kids medical will stay. I started crying. I have just gotten used to my new medicine adn now I wont be able to take it anymore because I cant afford to get it. I am so scared that I will drift back into the physical problems that I had because of all this stress. The medicine was really helping alot and so was the counciling. The reason why I cant get anymore medical is because i my child support payments. The problem is that he hasnt been paying his child support. This is a problem because it gets counted as income and I am not getting any of it. If he was paying it like he was supposed to this all wouldnt not be a problem. I dont think this is fair at all. I dont like being on welfare at all but it was helping give us a push until my hsband found a job. He has been looking so hard. He is a hard worker. He has always stuck with his jobs. He would still be working if the company had not gone under. I am so frustrated. I look at the phone wanting it to ring with good news of his getting a job. I dont know how long we can keep things afloat. This has really made things way more difficult. Everytime I have things figured out, it gets blown out of the water. I have back taxes to pay that my sister ran up for me and I also have to dig up money so that I can finish the wood stove so that we can have heat this coming winter. My husband runs out of unemployment come september. After that, my future is very shakey. I am very scared. I am trying so hard to keep myself from just going to bed and sleeping. So far so good although I am such a mess. One way or another I will make it.

My councilor told me that it is good to write in my journal as long as I put in podtive thoughts as well as negative ones. I was reminded of something from a J-Land friend about a couople of incidents that I have had with bears here. We have lots of wildlife here being out in the middle of nowhere. The day before last I was taking a walk with my dogs when out of the blue a bear crossed in front of me on my dirt road. He stood in the middle of the road staring at me for about a minute and then preceded to cross the road. He was no more than 50 feet in front of me. A few months ago my family and I were eating supper in the dining room. A bear came up and started to root through the trash that I had put outside. Of course he had made a big mess of the trash. But as he was going through  the trash, he had gotten a sour cream container stuck to his nose. He sat down and was trying to get it off with his paws. He finally had gotten it off and then went on his merry way leaving me with a big mess to clean up. It was worth it though for the laugh that we had gotten.

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LORD, WHY MUST I SUFFER?

  I prayed to the Lord for my troubles to cease, But instead of
departing, they seemed to increase.  Each day found new problems I'd
not faced before, And so my depression just grew more and more.  

  I begged and I pleaded, "Lord, please let me die! If You can't
ease my pain, at least tell me why." The lord said, "My dear child,
I love you so much! And I could have erased all those tears
with one touch.  

  But I wanted to teach you to cling to My hand, And trust Me for
things you cannot understand. I wanted to show you that when things
go wrong, My strength in your weakness will make you grow strong.  
  You've suffered because you were chosen to be A light for the
lost, and a witness for Me.  As you travel the pathway I've laid out
for you, You will meet many hearts that are suffering too.  

  And because you have been there, and know what they feel,
You can show them My love, and can help them to heal.
 Twas then that I wept, as I fell on my knees,
And I gave thanks to God for not granting my pleas.

  For had I not suffered, and felt such despair, How could I have
known the extent of His care? Oh, Lord, make me worthy to share
Your great love, And help hurting souls reach Your Heaven above.

  Betty Jo Mings

 

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