Thursday, June 5, 2008

trying to find some hope

 

I am just not feeling well emotionally today. I didnt get out of bed until 12:30. I just didnt feel there was any reason why I should even attempt it. Everytime I try to make things work, i get kicked down a few notches. Everyday I wake up and think to myself "What horrible thing is  going to happen today?"  I feel like prey for the wolves. I am so weak right now that I get taken advantage of. I went down to the electric compnay yesterday to pay on my bill. I am so nervous because i didnt have the full amount. I didnt know if hey would shut me off or not. They didnt but I have a week to pay on it or they will. I owe another 150 dollars. That was just for last month.I am only 10 days late on paying it. I will have the money next week. But I am so scared i wont the next month. They had a list there with 12 names for shut off. They know this county is gong under yet they have no sympathy for people who are struggling. I could never be like that. I guess that makes me weak. I dont know. All I do anymore is worry, worry, worry. My stomach is sick. My body feels worn out and tired. Sometimes I dont know if these are my real feelings or feelings that come from my depression. I was finally diagnosed with Unipolar depression and fibromalgyia. I knew I had fibro but didnt know that my depression had a title. I am trying to battle with that while I am trying to keep things going here. My kids and pets come first. If it werent for them I wouldnt care what happened to me. Every decision I make is for them. Sorry if my journal entry has depressed anyone. I just write how I feel even if it isnt optimistic. Thank you for listening.

 

8 comments:

jckfrstross said...

Hang in there:) it will be ok God is in Control!

Deb

mariebm56 said...

Keep taking steps forward, even if they are small steps.
Do things you like doing....like gardening.
Get out in the sunshine, it's good for you.(but don't get too much sun..Ü)
I'll keep you in my prayers~
Marie

bojgill4375 said...

Keeping you in my prayers. Best thing that I can do. I need to log off soon... tornado warnings and the clouds are sooo black. God Bless, Janie

dbdacoba said...

See Christine, what these other folks are saying is take it one step at a time and each one will lead you somewhere.  And do look forward to doing and then do the things you like.           DB

shrbrisc said...

we have all experienced this feeling from time to time, and I know it sounds like it is hopeless but it is not I don't know where you live but if you email me maybe I can help get you in touch with some people who can help you..
there is always hope and you can do this one step , one day at a time I live by this and it has gotten me thru some very bad times...
hugs
Sherry

pamal3 said...

Oh Christine. I really wish i was closer so I could just squeeze you with a cosy cuddle. You need a lot of support at the moment. The way you describe your tummy is such a horrible feeling. I have been there and It Is awful. I am living proof that you can turn things around but at the moment you need to speak to your counsellor pretty soon. I think you may want to look at changing your medication. Love Pam xx

howiseeit101 said...

Did you ever hear the saying "when you make a plan, God laughs"?  It's saying that he is in control, so just try to relax into your state of mind at the time without pressuring yourself into trying to escape it.  This, too, shall pass.  It always does.
-Karen

prttynpnk528 said...

I know how you feel......I often feel lost and all alone and just overwhelmed with trying to keep up with all the bills. I'm a single mom of 2. Yes life is a struggle my friend...I wanna say to you that you seem to be a very beautiful and intelligent person that is a treasure! I would like to think that of myself but I'm just so disappointed in myself I feel that I have no real direction but I love butterflies and lighthouses and I get to help my patients everyday and that makes me feel good...It is a struggle.......