Thursday, June 5, 2008

real hard time

This is unbelievable I know but those people who just left after i had tried to help me have been talking all over town. They are calling me things that arent very nice. Things that I really dont even want to write in my journal. People are believing them. I had just made a friend in the last couple of days. She refuses to talk to me anymore because of the things that were said. I didnt do anything to these people!! All I did was try to help them!! This man is so controlling that people are actually intimidated by him. This town is like that. It is a small town and noone relaly knows me all too well. Now I will not show my face into town again. I have been crying for the past two hours. I just feel like a fool. I sat in the bathtub earlier and wondered if I even wanted to keep going anymore. I decided to get online after my bath for awhile and you wont believe what happened. I had thoughts of just quitting. I am so tired. Then an e-mail came to me from my cousin who lives in Texas. I have not talked to her or heard from her in a couole of years. She wanted to share a poem with me that my grandma had written a few months ago. My grandmother had passed away a little while ago.

Don't Quit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low, and the debts are high, 
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh, 
When care is pressing you down a bit, 
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns, 
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out,
Don't give up though the pace seems slow, 
You may succeed with another blow.

Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,
It's when things seem worse,
That you must not quit.
Isnt that something?? It's just bizarre that it was sent to me tonight of all nights. Defenetly a message from someone.



shrbrisc said...

that is a beautiful poem ... I would not let anyone make me hide girl show your face look him down you have nothing to hide about .. never let anyone make you feel less than you are .. and you are great so get out there and show it ...

lv2trnscrb said...

I'm sorry its been such a rough time for you Christine; I do think God know you needed to hear some words of encouragement and that's why you got that poem from your cousin in Texas


bojgill4375 said...

That is a BEAUTIFUL poem and I am sure that God laid it upon your cousin's heart to send it to you. God is always sooo good! Believe in what your grandma is saying in this poem. She had hard times and knows what it is like. Bet she was a wonderful person. Hang in there Christine and don't give up. People will soon learn what that man is like. In my prayers, Janie

pamal3 said...

It Is definately a message from your grandma. I would bet my life on It. Please take time out to read this entry I did a while back. There Is another poem there that I think will be good for you to read.
As for the people In the town..... sticks and stones Christine. Your so called friend that you just met, well, I think you have had a lucky escape. I wouldn't want to know someone and class them as my friend If they cast me aside like a stone after listening to tittle tattle!. A true friend wouldn't behave like that. I know you are desperately lonely but don't shut yourself off from the town. That's what this man/family want you to do so don't give them the satisfaction. You have to summon up all your strength and courage and hold your head up high. You have just as much right to be there as anyone else. Remeber Christine....One life, No returns and no deposits. Here in J-land you will build up your confidence. In my last entry, I went to a swimming class myself! I could never have done that before! I mean Never!. Once you push yourself, legs like jelly, knocking knees and churning tummy, you will be so pleased and happy that you did. Don't fret about finances. We are all In the same boat. Don't allow big companies to belittle you or make you feel Ill. You can only do what you can. Once you get yourself together, you can focus on sorting the other place for new people to move In to, hence bringing In more money. I have faith In you Christine. I think you can do this with a wee nudge. ;-) Love Pam xx

frankandmary said...

I'm sorry for the gossip these people are spreading, but I have found that most people who do so get found out for what & who they really are. I've had that journaling, a woman who acted very nice to me, asked advice & then turned on me & started emailing others acting ask if she had been victimized.  Guess what?  No one actually believed the woman who did this & in fact, they forwarded the emails to me with support. I just don't bother with her anymore, & I am better for it.  Some people are filled with bitterness, don't let it ruin your life, their life is already ruined by it.
I wonder if everyone really believes badly of you because of them.  They may not.  They may know what those folks are like.  Maybe you will be pleasantly surprised. I hope so.

rdautumnsage said...

I've been where you are hon...I don't see you as the type of person who would ever hurt someone, if you give up your hurting a lot of someones (namely yourself). This is a dip on your journey it seems more like a sinkhole at the moment, but you will and can climb back out of it. People who don't take someone at face value and are led by a herd mentality by rumors are not even worth a second thought. I would rather by happy alone and confident in knowing the truth about myself than give anyone the power of words to weild over me.

The poem is something in itself, read it over and over and think of the sentiments your grandmother left behind for you. Does it seem I'm being a little harsh...perhaps I am, because I DO believe in you as a friend and a human being. It's too easy to give up, it takes strength to get past that cowardice. The type of person who goes out of her way to help someone else has that strength. Don't give them the ability to hurt you by listening to their spiteful words. As Pam said, the friend you just were lucky she walked away sooner and you were able to discover what she was made of before your heart was invested in that friendship. Keep your chin up hon. You know the truth of the matter...and so do I. (Hugs) Indigo

carolhehe said...

The Lord hears our deepest cries and helps us in mysterious ways. This is so awesome. Hang in there. I live in a small town too. I know what you are going through with the stigma "outsider".

pprrrr39 said...

I am so very sorry to read this entry. I do not know anything about you....... but i do not see why anyone should be bullied and in my eyes that is what it is........... BULLYING...... from some jumped up jerk who thinks they are better than you. This type of attitude makes my blood boil, I am just sorry that i am far away from you and cannot offer physical help.
Wether or not these rumours are true or not that does not give anyone the right to intimidate, bully and lie about someone to the extent that they feel that their life is not worth living. You should never be in that situation where you are manipulated by one person.NEVER EVER.

I seriously think that that poem being sent from your cousin was definately a sign not to give in. It certainly came at the right time and i hope that you will see it as a sign to continue with your fight in life.

Most of us have been in a position in our lives where we feel that everything and everybody just has it in for us, but some are lucky enough to be shown a sign that tells us that someone is thinking of us, looking out for us  or spurring us on in our fight to lead a life that we want to lead...... not a life that we are forced to lead through the misconceptions of others.

I do hope that with the support of fellow J.Landers, your family  and your own inner strength that you can carry on with this journey in life.

My thoughts and prayers are with you
hugs Jayne

luddie343 said...

My dear Christine:  I think you're incredibly insightful about your own life and the people in it, and dont need advice from me.  It's uplifting to see somone who, though they've been hurt by others, will not let a worm grow in her heart.  Your grandma is with you forever now, that's something to hold onto.  XOXO CATHY  

csandhollow said...

Don't hide. That just gives them the power.

nightmaremom said...

hold your head high... don't give up or give in.

kirkbyj05 said...

I have read all the lovely caring replies from fellow JLanders and I can't add anything to what they have already told you.
People like that only have control if we allow them to have it.  Just hold your head up high and live your life the best way you can.  Be happy and show it.  That will be a message to those who want to put you down.  Please don't dwell on those shallow so called friends you thought you had.  I am sure we have all come across similar people in our lives.  They are certainly not worth giving any thought to.  Cut them out of you mind and don't allow them to take over your life again.
Chin up!  You will do alright now as that poem of your Gran's says it all.  It was meant to come your way.
Wishing you every happiness.

Jeanie xxx

ceilisundancer said...

Yeah, your grandma and cousin, are looking out for you if they know it or not.

I just read this entry, after posting a comment on your more recent entry.  WOW for people to go badmouthing.  Sheesz.

Well, you know what is truth, God knows, and yes, in 9 months, that place will be yours.  Don't quit!